The Vacuum of Hedonics (Rant)

A year or so ago it was decided that my 15 year old vacuum cleaner had seen better days. Costco was having a coupon sale on a newer one of the same brand.

There are a lot of bagless ones out on the market so I figured what the heck, let's give this bagless idea a try. I'm kind of a cheapskate by nature, and not having to replace the bag really appealed to me.

The price, I must say, was fantastic. If memory serves, I paid the same price 15 years ago, not even adjusting for inflation. There were a lot more features as well. How could I complain? I was elated!

By all accounts, I was getting much more vacuum cleaner for the same price. It made total sense to me that the government would claim that quality improvements (hedonics) were giving me even better value for each dollar spent. For the most part, I'm okay with that. As long as I am getting quality improvements that is!

At first I was thrilled with the new purchase.

1. It REALLY pulled up a lot of dirt. What sheer power!
2. No more bags! Woohoo!
3. Hepa filter! Fantastic! I have allergies!
4. Cheap!

My impression of the purchase slowly started to deteriorate from there though.

I had to empty it often and I do mean often. When you've got a nearly hurricane force wind AND a beater brush of the Gods, you aren't just picking up dirt. Carpet fibers take up space too. It needed a lot more capacity (and over time I'd be needing a LOT more carpet!).

I also became all too aware why vacuum cleaners have historically had bags. Having a bagless vacuum cleaner pretty much ensures you'll be sitting in a cloud of dust when you empty it. That sort of defeats the anti-allergy Hepa filter technology, from where I sat (sneezing and coughing) anyway.

It wasn't enough to just dump it out. Things stick. The filter really needed a good cleaning (I used a toothbrush). Since it did fill up extremely fast, I had to perform this "ritual" (and I say this with almost a "satanic" level of despair) virtually every single time I vacuumed the house.

But hey, at least my carpets (what were left of them) were getting clean. I had that going for me. I've got pets. It did work very well on pet hair. In fact, I probably could have vacuumed up the Labrador Retriever herself if I got too close, lol.

Then there's cheap. Oh yeah, it was cheap. Six months later, while vacuuming my home office, I was nearly blinded by a sea of light and nearly deafened by the sound of thunder (okay, I'm being overly hammy again). Yeah, the hurricane reached Category 5. It was followed by a wave of burning smells that cannot be adequately described. I thought of calling FEMA to help, but opted instead to open every window in the house. The problem appeared to be somewhat "contained".

The vacuum cleaner was promptly returned to Costco for a full refund. Using hedonics, one might argue that my deal was even better! I basically rented the vacuum (or doomsday device depending on how you look at it) for six months at no cost, lol.

I then spent some time researching better vacuum cleaners. I saw that the same manufacturer now had a new bagless model with a little mini-beater brush attached to the filter. I suspect the next quality improvement will see beater brushes to clean off the beater brushes, and so on, and so on, lol. I decided to pass on the hurricane though. If it shorts out again, I might take down an entire city block next time. I just don't really need that sort of drama.

I managed to fix the old vacuum cleaner myself for about $5 and it is pretty much back to its original level of cleaning (which isn't too bad). I was a bit spoiled by having a new vacuum cleaner though so I also ended up buying a high quality Sebo vacuum cleaner (with German engineering). It uses bags. It is quiet. There's no hurricane. I have nothing but good things to say about it. Just don't ask me the price, hedonically or otherwise.

And yes, I do feel a bit guilty about helping to expand the trade deficit with Germany. But what else could I do? The new and improved hedonically adjusted hurricane vacuum cleaner of the Gods was made in Mexico. I'm left with virtually no options unless I miraculously pull a MacGyver and build one myself using nothing more than paper scraps (one of our bigger exports).