It was brought to my attention by OriginalFrank that my first stimulus package proposal was unable to top the "real life" satire of the current plan. Upon further reflection, I have to agree.
I am therefore making another attempt. Call me stubborn.
Illusion of Prosperity's Proposed Weimar Germany Style Stimulus Package
1. Each American will receive a lump sum payment of $1,000,000. This will cost roughly $300 trillion.
2. The money won't be borrowed. We'll simply print extra.
3. The money will use collector's edition technology. There will be fifty versions of twenty dollar bills distributed. Each American will therefore receive one thousand twenty dollar bills for each state.
Here are some frequently asked questions about my plan.
Q: Why a million dollars?
A: It will allow most Americans to retire early. The employment picture will improve dramatically.
Q: Why will the money be printed instead of borrowed?
A: We've already borrowed too much from our grandchildren. It is time to ease their burden.
Q: How long will it be before we need another stimulus package?
A: Using simple back of envelope calculations, one million dollars should easily last each person a good 25 years ($40,000 per year).
Q: What about inflation?
A: This is a simple plan. Inflation is a complex issue. Critics have stated that prices may go up once this money enters circulation. That's why the money will be using collector's edition technology. If people bury the money instead of spending all of it, then prices won't rise as fast as one might expect.
Q: What about exponential economic growth?
A: All American babies will each receive one million dollars. Do the math.
Q: Has something like this been done before?
A: We send money to China every single day on the hopes that they'll never spend it. It's time to start investing in America again, and in a much bigger way.
Stag,
ReplyDeleteThe new plan has merit. But I will only lend my support if it is accompanied by meaningful and permanent tax cuts.
mab,
ReplyDeleteThe new plan has merit. But I will only lend my support if it is accompanied by meaningful and permanent tax cuts.
LOL!!
I have given some thought to paying high ranking Americans who support my stimulus package in gold, silver, rare artwork, and precious gems instead of freshly printed collector's edition cash, not that it should matter. My stimulus package really shouldn't add to inflation much, at least in theory. I just don't want to "tax" those printing presses any more than necessary. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Know what I mean?
Is that the kind of "tax" cut that would interest you? Can I count on your support?
If I'm in that high-ranking contingent and can get my share in precious metals and art, you've got my vote!
ReplyDeleteTax cuts really aren't of interest to me and other high-ranking government officials -- as the last few days should have made clear, taxes are a matter for the little people.
OriginalFrank,
ReplyDelete[wire tap detection light on]
Tax cuts really aren't of interest to me and other high-ranking government officials -- as the last few days should have made clear, taxes are a matter for the little people.
Yeah, I think what you are really trying to say here is that since all of us high-ranking government officials diligently pay our taxes to the fullest extent of the law in all fairness to the general population, there's really no need for us to be concerned with tax cuts.
[wire tap detction light off]
I've got you down for two round trip tickets to the Bahamas to pick up your...
[wire tap detection light on]
...taxpayer relief package...
[wire tap detction light off]
...filled with precious metals and art. Welcome aboard!
LOL!
ReplyDeleteBTW, didn't directly comment on Plan #2, but should have. VERY funny, and managing to stay ahead of real life satire as well. Congrats!
I laughed out loud -- "Why will the money be printed instead of borrowed?" is classic. Do not be surprised if Congress adopts this plan - it seems to be on their wavelength.
OriginalFrank,
ReplyDeleteDo not be surprised if Congress adopts this plan - it seems to be on their wavelength.
I will be surprised. We will all be surprised. That's the paradox!
Unexpected Hanging Paradox
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unexpected_hanging_paradox
The unexpected hanging paradox is an alleged paradox about a prisoner's response to an unusual death sentence.
There's also a paradox that covers toxic assets.
The Bottle Imp
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bottle_Imp
Someone can buy the bottle without expecting to sell it, if they either believe themselves to be inevitably destined for Hell or if they believe the bottle to be worth eternal damnation. Therefore, one might buy the bottle in the expectation of meeting someone who fits one of the two criteria, or if they themselves meet one or both.
Illusion of Prosperity's Proposed Bottle Imp Stimulus Package #3
1. The government stops being the lender of last resort and instead becomes the buyer of last resort.
Oops. This stimulus package has already been tried (Troubled Asset Relief Program). Nevermind.