The Sarcasm Report v.75

Will McDonald's kill the Dollar Menu?

But the McDonald's menu has a unique problem that chemical companies and automakers don't have to deal with. It has a Dollar Menu, a list of items with a firm ceiling on price dictated by the very name that list carries. That leaves little relief to offset costs.

Which means one of two things could disappear in 2011: either the Dollar Menu moniker, or what’s left of McDonald's margins.

Here's what's left of McDonald's profit margins. As can be clearly seen, it's a tragedy of epic proportions.

McDonald's: 20.7%
Yum! Brands: 9.9%
Starbucks: 8.8%
Darden Restaurants: 5.9%
Brinker International: 5.1%
DineEquity: 0.3%

It's a miracle that McDonald's can even stay in business with so few profits to distribute to its shareholders. How can any company survive when it earns just 20 cents for each dollar in revenue? We cannot expect McDonald's to absorb any further increases in costs. Those extra costs must clearly be passed on to its customers.

So take some extra time this holiday season to help McDonald's return its profit margins back to healthier levels. They need all the help we can give them. For the love of all that is holy, they are just shy of the profit margins over at Coach. Oh the humanity!

The recession has placed a terrible strain on the finances of the McDonald's investors. There has been too much violence. Too much pain. But I have an honorable compromise. If they remove the dollar menu, just walk away. Just walk away and there will be an end to the horror.



There has been too much violence. Too much pain. But I have an honorable compromise. Just walk away. Give me your pump, the oil, the gasoline, and the whole compound, and I'll spare your lives. Just walk away and we'll give you a safe passageway in the wastelands. Just walk away and there will be an end to the horror. - The Humungus, Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981)