STEVE Alert

EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM

Civil Authorities

Issued a

Financial Prophet Abduction Emergency

The civil authorities' communication center is looking for a financial expert who was last seen on 8/21/15 sarcastically attempting to verbally minimize his 3.7% losses for Thursday. The expert is believed to be in danger. His name is Steve Reitmeister and has 35 years of investing experience. He is believed to be a lover of cats. Today's cat did not survive the fall and therefore bounced upon impact. He is also believed to be a good buyer of the dips, but may have been deceived by the latest "goodbye the dips" facade. If you have any information regarding the whereabouts of this financial expert then please contact 1-800-555-FAIL xEPIC immediately.

It's official. I am very worried about Steve.

See Also:
I'm Worried About Steve