Tuesday, December 16, 2014

The Sarcasm Report v.201

Two sarcasm reports within 24 hours?

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'

December 10, 2014
Report: Restaurant same-store sales growth slows in November

“It wasn’t a good month,” MillerPulse cofounder Larry Miller said. “It took sort of a turn for the worse. It’s surprising and unexpected. It seemed like everything was picking up and comparisons weren’t any harder.”

Out of curiosity, was there any surprising and unexpected weather in November?

Miller suggested that a cold snap that hit much of the country in the middle of the month might have kept some people at home.

I knew it! Cold weather! In November! For part of the month! Oh, the humanity!

But given the overall improvement of the economy, Miller said the result was still a surprise.

Everyone loves parabolic surprises! I bet you can't wait to see what's coming next!

“It honestly doesn’t add up,” he said.

You know what really doesn't add up? Sustainable restaurant employment parabolas! Rumor has it that if restaurants keep expanding at the rate that they are, then eventually same store sales cannot keep up. I know! It's crazy math! Which idiot started the rumor? Me! Right now! Woohoo!

The following chart shows the 12-month moving average of the annual change in the number of food services and drinking places employees.


Click to enlarge.

Pardon my language, but nice @#$%ing parabola.

I'm sure glad the unintended parabolic consequences of ZIRP were confined to the subprime oil industry though. We certainly don't want anything bad to happen to 10.8 million restaurant jobs. Like the shale industry, restaurants are one of our best growth industries since the bottom fell out of our economy. It's amazing what "cheap" money and intense competition can do.

’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves! Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: all mimsy were the borogoves, and the mome raths outgrabe!

I can't speak for you, but I am most outgrabed by the absurdity of it all. Sigh.

Source Data:
St. Louis Fed: Custom Chart
Jabberwocky by Lewis Carroll

12 comments:

  1. I'm sure glad the unintended parabolic consequences of ZIRP were confined to the subprime oil industry though.

    I'm sure glad that oil pricing is based on supply and demand. And I'm glad Mish and Calculated Risk "know" this for certain.

    OPEC is actually a knitting club. It's true! Seriously, why have a cartel if you can't affect prices? And why have a cartel within the cartel if you can't affect prices? Nobody would do that. Nope, they just stick to their knitting.



    ReplyDelete
  2. O, what a tangled knit they weave when first they practice to deceive! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Indeed! And what if there is actually a cartel within the cartel within the cartel?

    We're spreading democracy "everywhere"! No exceptions, especially in the Middle East. Well, almost no exceptions.

    Arab Spring? How many people know that Egyptians aren't even Arabs?

    ReplyDelete
  4. mab,

    We need cartels within cartels within a cartel to manage our fund of funds of funds.

    Spreadin' the prosperity around, baby. That's what I'm talking about.

    ReplyDelete
  5. We need cartels within cartels within a cartel to manage our fund of funds of funds.

    Good news, we already have this! The Fed Funds rate funds the funds that fund the funds.

    And just look that the widespread prosperity! There's no stopping it as long as we keep debt (credit) flowing!

    ReplyDelete
  6. mab,

    The Fed Funds rate funds the funds that fund the funds.

    Nice!

    How many funds funding the funds that fund the funds could a fun funding Fed Chairman fund if a fun funding Fed Chairman could have fun funding the funds that funds the funds that fund the funds?

    Got woodchuck? :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. First bond woodchuck jokes. Then bond woodshed spankings.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Fed fund rate? That's a known known.

    I'm trying to figure out the pun rate of this blog. I think it's gone hyperbolic!

    I hope it's sustainable! Bust just in case, I'm thinking we need an imaginary fun pun fund to fund the funds of fun pun funds.

    Toy boat, toy boat, toy boat.........

    ReplyDelete
  9. Then bond woodshed spankings.

    RD,

    The beatings will continue even if morale improves.

    Optimism baby, that what I'm talkin about!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Okay, using silly string theory I did some inside the envelope calculations to determine this blogs pun rate.

    It turns out that the pun rate is inversely distortionate with the Fed funds rate. So we're close to dividing by zero here. So yes, it's a steep rate of increase.

    Interestingly, there's a lag that appears to be directly linked to abnormal sleep cycles and Guitar Hero releases.

    I've got the calcs to prove it. It all pencils out.

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  11. The couch of the rising pun has been the ruin of many retirees, but God I know they're fun.

    The only thing this punster needs is some sarcastic bunk. And the only time I'm satisfied is when I am punch drunk.

    ReplyDelete