Breaking News: Analysts at Goldman Sachs Warn J.C. Penney Investors of Amazon Risks

June 9, 2016
J.C. Penney (JCP) Stock Falls, Analysts Forecast Risks From Amazon.com

"We see greatest risk to sell-rated J.C. Penney and Kohl's."

This is vital information for J.C. Penney investors who weren't aware of Amazon's existence over the past 20+ years and/or were baffled by their 84% loss (adjusted for splits and dividends) since April Fool's Day of 1998.

Thanks Goldman Sachs for your timely warning! Always putting the needs of the retail investors before your own! Doing God's work!

In other news, rumor has it that Goldman Sachs will soon release an imminent warning concerning Pearl Harbor and the potential for the United States to enter World War 2. Investors beware! There's a war brewing! We need to start cranking out Sherman tanks ASAP!

Bad Mark. Bad! Bad! ;)