Selling the Seed Corn to Buy Frozen Corn

December 27, 2016
Real Money: 8 Great Consumer Stocks for 2017

Macy's management could also have more of an immediate, positive effect on the company's stock by selling more real estate to fund share buybacks.

It's funny. I was thinking of selling my house, renting it back from the new landlord, and using the "profits" of the transaction to increase my net worth and financial stability by loading up on frozen corn.

Over the long-term, what could possibly go wrong?

First World Problem of the Day

It's a problem. It often causes me to change the channel. I can't be the only one. Right?

Okay, I admit it. As far as global problems go, it's very minor. That said, it's such a simple problem with such a simple solution.

Just stop talking that way. How hard can it be? Seriously.

Or better yet, go all in. At least that would be amusing!



Yes! Hahaha! :)

It Burns

It burns. Hahaha!!! :)

The Era of Compromise

January 26, 2011
CBS News: There's No Such Thing as a Compromise in Business

There's something about the word "compromise" that irks me. Many people say, "If everyone just compromised, we'd all be better off."

I don't think so.

Oh, please. We'd definitely be better off if we all compromise.

December 14, 2016
One Billion Compromised Accounts Doesn't Look Good, Yahoo

Yahoo announced that it experienced another hack, separate from the 500 million accounts that were compromised in a 2014 security breach that it reported in September of this year.

A billion users can't be wrong! Compromise for the win! Woohoo! Yahoo!

How to Retire in a Blaze of Glory

December 13, 2016
Middle manager who retired with a Reply All email tirade shows how not to quit a job

"When they asked for an honest exit interview, I gave them one," Stuban told Philly.com. He retired on Thanksgiving Day and now plans to travel and volunteer at his church.

While it might be tempting, and seemingly hilarious, to go out in a blaze of glory like Stuban or Joanna in "Office Space," you're better off holding your tongue.

How exactly would he be better off holding his tongue? He doesn't seem to be regretting his decision to go out in a blaze of glory.

I wrote a burning bridges letter when I retired 17 years ago. How else would I have heard the following from my general manager?

Of course employees are our number one priority. It's just that other things are more important right now.

I kid you not. I'll take that quote to my grave. Never regretted the resignation letter that prompted it. Very cathartic! Hahaha!

You only get one real chance to say exactly what you want to your employer. It's when you retire. Had I retired a few years earlier, say before the financial fraud and the seemingly endless waves of layoffs hit, the letter would have been much different. Go figure.

Wreck the Malls with Bowels of Gravy

December 2, 2016
Fortune: Simon Property Group Fights to Reinvent the Shopping Mall

If you want to get a rise out of David Simon, tell him mall traffic is declining.

Oops!

The Sarcasm Report v.272

December 4, 2016
If you can bet on one thing in this world, bet on this: Gartman

"Clearly we were wrong in selling crude oil short the day before the OPEC meeting," the editor and publisher of The Gartman Letter wrote Thursday.

Okay, so what's the next bet? I'm looking to recoup my gambling losses!

"If you can bet on one thing in this world, bet on a mother's love, and bet on the fact that OPEC cheats," he said in a recent interview on CNBC's "Futures Now."

Dammit. I'm supposed to bet on one thing but there are actually two things. Is this some sort of ongoing trick to separate me from my money?

Choices, choices. That's it. I'm going all in on this mystery mother.

10 Media Depictions Of Stepmoms That Every Mom Hates

Every mom hates? Dammit Gartman! Your sure things fooled me again!

The Collateral Damage of Sears

December 2, 2016
Moody's Downgrades Seven and Affirms Nine Classes of MSC 2007-HQ11

The largest specially serviced loan is the Galleria at Pittsburgh Mills Loan ($133 million -- 18% of the pool), which is secured by an 880,000 square foot collateral portion of a super-regional mall located in Tarentum, Pennsylvania. The mall's financial performance has declined sharply in recent years, largely mirroring a decline in overall occupancy. The departure of anchor tenant Sears in late 2015 triggered co-tenancy clauses at the property causing several inline tenant leases to become percentage leases, further contributing to the decline in performance. The mall is currently 57% occupied, down from 88% as recently as December 2014. The servicer is the pursuing foreclosure and expects the property to become REO.

Domino Theory

Finally, you have broader considerations that might follow what you would call the "falling domino" principle. You have a row of dominoes set up, you knock over the first one, and what will happen to the last one is the certainty that it will go over very quickly. So you could have a beginning of a disintegration that would have the most profound influences. - Dwight D. Eisenhower

Crazy theory. Totally debunked. Everyone knows a chain is always as strong as its strongest link.

The Sarcasm Report v.271

December 3, 2016
Sears is on the brink of catastrophe as stores closures loom and top execs flee the company

Things aren't looking good for Sears.

Of course, this comes as a complete shock to long-time readers of this blog. Apologies for blindsiding you like this. If only I had devoted more sarcasm reports to this breaking news over the past decade!

Word of the Day

December 2, 2016
Mish: 125 Housing Metro Areas Compared: How Much Does California Skew National Averages?

Ixcluding California, the median unweighted gain not counting kickbacks and commissions, was 13.8%.

Including? Excluding? Typo? No, I think it is the birth of a new word, and I for one, like it.

I think our country will be like a very ixclusive club, now that we have elected Donald Trump as president. And here's the best part. We're already members!

I expect great things, especially when trickle inwards economics is unleashed. More of everything at essentially no cost!

Just one question. Do we ixclude the debt that will fund it? Yes! We always ixclude it! Woohoo!

Don't believe me? Ask someone at random how much debt they have. Then ask them if they've included the national debt in their answer. Then say it is okay, since national debt is all ixclusive!

Sigh.

The Sarcasm Report v.270

December 2, 2016
Incoming Treasury Sec. Mnuchin steps down from Sears board

Mnuchin, 53, has been on the Sears Holdings Corp. board for more than 11 years, according to the company.

It's been a very impressive run for Sears over the past 11 years. As a holder of long-term inflation protected treasury bonds, I am filled with renewed optimism about our future long-term prosperity!

Think about it. He's the perfect choice. Much to the dismay of long-term shareholders of Sears, there are few people on the planet with more hands-on deficit spending experience than him!

He was the Yale roommate of Sears Chairman and CEO Eddie Lampert.

How can we lose? Our fate is a sure thing!! Woohoo!!!