Two Mark-to-Market Alternatives

New mark-to-market guidance proposed by regulator

The FASB's proposed guidance would stop short of changing the mark-to-market rules, but it would clarify how auditors should unterpret those exisitng regulations. It would allow banks and other companies that have had a difficult time valuing illiquid mortgage and other securities, the ability to use "significant judgment" when valuing the assets.

"Unterpret" those "exisitng" regulations? Seriously? Freudian slip meet spell checking nightmare. I must say that unterpret seems a pretty good word to describe an illusion of proper accounting though, lol.

That being said, it just doesn't seem right to me that the banks would be allowed to use significant judgment when they clearly have a history of showing poor judgment. That combination could end up creating some significantly poor judgment and why I propose two alternative ideas.

Idea #1: Mark-to-Marxism Accounting

The government could simply step in and buy all assets, troubled or otherwise, or even just credibly threaten to do so. Dow 36,000 here we come! Sure, the government would need to take on debt to do it. However, think of all the assets the government would then own. As an added bonus, we'd all be government workers. Let's bring the full power of the Department of Motor Vehicle efficiency technology to every aspect of our lives. Prosperity, baby! Genius!

Marxism

Since the tension between social classes is deemed to be the cause of political unrest, Marxism attempts to solve this problem by establishing public ownership as its dominant feature.

Idea #2: Mark-to-Undead Accounting

The government could create Zombie banks and give them the ability to create Zombie loans exponentially. This could ripple through our entire financial system until everything is undead. It's basically what we have now but at least we'd know what to call it.

Zombie apocalypse

Authorities are slow to respond to the threat giving the zombies time to grow beyond containment. The zombies cannot be controlled despite the broad choice of countermeasures with available technologies. This outcome then results in the collapse of the given society. Zombies take full control while small groups of the living must fight for their survival.

I know. It sounds far-fetched. It would take someone with poor judgment to support this plan of course. Let's see. Do we know anyone who might meet that criteria?

March 15, 2009
Banks Can Live as Walking Dead

American bankers are fighting — for the right to be zombies.