The Onion: God Facing Financial Difficulties

October 7, 1997
Christ Demands More Money

"It is true that, in this era of downsizing and high prices, it can sometimes be difficult for a person to give unto Me 10 percent or more of their income, and still have enough left over for that new microwave or big-screen TV they've had their eye on," He said. "But do not forget that it is almost impossible for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

January 10, 2011
Report: Majority Of Money Donated At Church Doesn't Make It To God

According to Raeburn, God currently has enough money saved to live comfortably throughout all eternity, but He may be forced to shutter a number of† under-performing religions.

January 8, 2011
Milwaukee archdiocese to file for bankruptcy

Over the past five years the cost to U.S. Catholic dioceses of settling U.S. sex abuse cases involving priests has totaled nearly $2 billion, according to the Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate at Georgetown University in Washington.

Unfortunately, only two of those articles were from The Onion. Sorry about that. Here's a bonus article to make up the difference.

November 29, 2010
20,000 Sacrificed In Annual Blood Offering To Corporate America

"We're stuck in the Dark Ages if we still believe some elaborately choreographed, archaic ritual has any impact on today's dynamic multinational corporations," New York University professor Nouriel Roubini said on CNBC this week. "If we really want Corporate America to restore our prosperity, then we have to own up to the facts, face reality, and kill every last one of our firstborn sons with our own bare hands."

I'm pretty sure that this last one is from The Onion anyway. Sometimes it is hard to tell.