The Sarcasm Report v.101

Three years ago a reader (mab) and I were heckled for heckling Sears.

May 8, 2008
Our Pillars of Retail Strength

Either you guys are joking or you like to buy high and sell low. Not my style. Lampert and Sears will prove to be fantastic investments over the next 10 years. Over the next 10 minutes? who knows and who cares? - Anonymous

May 3, 2011
Lampert offers "no excuses" for Sears poor performance

The meeting came just a day after Sears said it would post a hefty first-quarter loss after a sales slump at home and in Canada, and Sears shares plummeted the most in one day since last May, when the company posted a 38-percent drop in quarterly profit.

The company's sales have fallen every year since it was formed by the 2005 merger of Sears and Kmart.

Stock price on May 8, 2008: $93.45
Stock price on May 3, 2011: $75.88

Total return: -18.8%
Average annual rate of return: -6.7%

7 years to go!

Note to Anonymous: If you are still out there we would love to hear from you. If nothing else, think of the heckling chain! You'd be heckling the hecklers who heckled the heckler who heckled the hecklers of Sears.

Note to Eddie Lampert: I promise to buy something at Sears within the next 7 years if you do an ad campaign based on the heckling chain. I'm a big fan of company-depreciating humor.

If we can't laugh in this economy then surely we will cry. I'm doing a bit of both right now, lol. Sigh.

Source Data:
Yahoo Finance: SHLD Historical Prices