The Sarcasm Report v.261

September 24, 2016
USA Today: How to turn a 3% raise on a $60,000 salary into $479,000

If you were able to save every penny of every raise for 15 years, using the same numbers above, you’d end your 15 years with over $479,000 in your retirement plan. In order to realistically pull this off, you’d have to somehow become immune to cost-of-living increases. Which means you somehow are able to keep your health care premiums stagnant, energy prices stagnant and consumer goods prices stagnant. It’s a very difficult task, but not impossible.

If someone out there has "somehow" become immune to cost-of-living increases and no longer sees health care premiums rise, please let us all know how you did it!

Next up, find out how to "somehow" lose 2 pounds each and every day eating nothing but pizza and ice cream while binge-watching Netflix from the comfort of your own couch! It's a very difficult task, but nobody can actually prove it's impossible!

Liposuction 24/7? Hooked up to a central home vacuum system? Think outside the box, people. This is America. Nothing is impossible!