What If Jim Cramer Were a Trauma Surgeon?

May 26, 2016
CNBC: Cramer: Why lower oil prices aren’t helping millions of Americans

Nurse: The patient is bleeding profusely from both an arm and a leg. He requires immediate attention!
Doctor: That's too bad. Nothing I do can help.
Nurse: Couldn't you stitch up his arm?
Doctor: I could but it wouldn't help.
Nurse: Why not?
Doctor: Isn't it obvious? [long dramatic pause]
Nurse: No! Why?
Doctor: His leg would still be bleeding profusely.
Nurse: Couldn't you stitch up his leg?
Doctor: I could but it wouldn't help.
Nurse: Why not?
Doctor: Isn't it obvious? [long dramatic pause]
Nurse: No! Why?
Doctor: If I stitched up his leg instead, then his arm would still be bleeding profusely.
Nurse: What if you stitched up his arm and his leg?
Doctor: It would help but I can't do that.
Nurse: Why not?
Doctor: Isn't it obvious? [long dramatic pause]
Nurse: No! Why?
Doctor: Stitch up his arm and his leg with just two hands? I'm not a miracle worker!
Nurse: What if you stitched up his arm first and then stitched up his leg next?
Doctor: I could but it wouldn't help.
Nurse: Why not?
Doctor: Isn't it obvious? [long dramatic pause]
Nurse: No! Why?
Doctor: The patient died while you've been asking me all these pointless questions. This only proves what I've been saying all along.
Nurse: And what's that?
Doctor: Isn't it obvious? [long dramatic pause]
Nurse: Yes, I guess it is. Nothing you do can help.
Doctor: Booyah.

Bad Mark. Bad! Bad!

In all seriousness, lower oil prices are certainly helping millions of Americans. Is there some sort of financial news competition for posting the article with the most outlandish headline? Or is this all just part of a modern clickbait society?

I must admit that I too am guilty. Cramer as a trauma surgeon? Now that's outlandish! ;)