The Sarcasm Report v.266

November 14, 2016
Bloomberg: Can $300 Billion Make Companies Behave?

Actually, the right question might be why, despite the advent of multi-billion-dollar penalties, companies keep breaking the law.

It continues to remain a great mystery.

If caught breaking the law, then the fines are evenly distributed to all owners of the company. Who are the owners? You know, they are the pension funds and index funds of honest, hardworking Americans.

If not caught breaking the law, then the biggest winners are those who hold leveraged stock options. Small changes in stock prices can offer enormous gains to these lucky holders. Who owns stock options? You know, they are the dishonest top executives of fraud-embracing corporations.

Why doesn't this system stop criminal activity? Who knows! There is something that could be tried though, with a very modest change to the existing system. What if jail time was imposed? Sounds pretty crazy, right? Hear me out.

I propose that if a top executive is caught breaking the law, then the jail time could be evenly distributed to all owners of the company. Let's all do our part to end the criminal activity! Rather than a top executive doing time for 20 years, simply have each honest, hardworking American stock owner do a few minutes of jail time!

If that won't stop the crime dead in its tracks, then nothing will. Certainly worth a shot!

It has been a while since I felt the need to ask the following question. Too much sarcasm? Seems excessive, almost criminal.