The Sarcasm Report v.23

Stocks mostly advance after payroll report, Fed action

NEW YORK (AP) -- Wall Street gave up sharp gains to trade mixed Friday after a government employment report showed the nation's employers cut far fewer jobs than expected last month, stirring optimism about the buoyancy of the economy.

The ship is still buoyant? Hurray!

The Labor Department's report that employers cut 20,000 jobs in April was a relief to Wall Street, which had been expecting payrolls to decrease by 70,000 jobs. This marked the fourth straight month of job losses, but the data signaled that perhaps the economy might be resisting falling into recession.

I'm feelin' mighty festive after hearing such great news. It makes me want to break into a song.

20,000 gallons of fresh water through the wall
Instead of 70,000 fresh gallons!
If some of the bulkhead happens to fall
Millions of gallons of fresh water through the wall!

You know the words! Sing along!