Quote of the Day

April 25, 2015
CNBC: Why Apple Watch isn't the most advanced timepiece

I have no desire to own an Apple Watch, and yet I found this claim incredibly difficult to believe. I therefore had to click on the link, just like CNBC hoped.

What timepiece is more advanced? I must know!! Images of James Bond movies filled my head! Top secret government watches that double as personal defense tools! You know the tech!! Watches with frickin' laser beams, baby. That's what I'm talking about.

Consider the introduction of the pendulum in 1657, which enabled clocks to keep time to within a minute per day (from roughly 15 minutes before that).

You have got to be f#^*ing kidding me! We're supposed to compare the Apple Watch to a 1657 pendulum and conclude that the pendulum is more advanced? Seriously?

The quote of the day can be found in the comments.

Most embellished piece of troll article ever written on CNBC in the last 5 minutes. - bunnyturd

Hilariously well stated, bunnyturd. My hat is off to you!

As for CNBC, what did I expect? The most advanced news service in the world? Nothing works better than pendulum technology. Mad Money and Fast Money are proof of that! The pendulum is the perfect divination tool for tools!

Pendulum Divination

To charge your pendulum, place it overnight in water or salt. Remember that some crystals will degrade in salt, so be sure to check before you do this. Another option is to leave the pendulum outside overnight in the moonlight.

Don't forget to charge your Apple Watch too while you are at it. With two of the most powerful timepieces in the world and a working knowledge of all things CNBC, you'll be unstoppable! Mwuhahaha!