Theft Needed to Save the World Economy

April 10, 2015
Citi Economist Says It Might Be Time to Abolish Cash

Would this save the world economy?

Absofrickin' lutely! That's what I love most about banking economists. Always looking for new ways to save the world economy from the consumer evil doers!

Why have your money on deposit at a negative rate that reduces your wealth when you can have it in cash and suffer no reduction?

Put another way, how can banks steal a portion of your money if you won't be a willing victim? Oh, the humanity!

Currency use remains high among the poor and some older people. (Buiter suggests that keeping low-denomination cash in circulation — nothing larger than $5 — might solve this.)

This plan has great merit so I say we take it all the way.

War on Cash

We fund special police teams to actively seek out cash hoards using trained cash sniffing dogs. If cash is found they can...

1. Take all the cash.
2. Count the cash.
3. Confiscate 10% of it.
4. Hand remaining cash back to cash hoarding criminal.
5. Repeat until all cash is confiscated.

We already have the infrastructure in place.

April 9, 2015
NYPD DETECTIVE SUSPENDED AFTER VIDEO SHOWS HIM TAKING CASH DURING BROOKLYN DELI RAID

Abdullah says when he saw the video, he called the nearby precinct, who sent a supervisor to the deli to look at it. And when they saw it?

"They said, 'Oh (expletive),'" Abdullah said. "'He's going to lose his pension, lose his life, for $2,600?'"

We don't want anyone to lose their pensions. That's why I say we need to legalize theft now for everyone, for the benefit of everyone. Let's get this law created right this instant. There's no need to wait for congressional signatures when the banks already have robo-signing technology.