The Five Myths of Undead Investing

Stanislaus County's 9 percent foreclosure rate brings joy, fear

Myth #1: Undead investing brings more joy than fear.

Little joy can come from ghosts, werewolves, zombies, and the like walking amid dying lawns, bushes, and trees. Fear, on the other hand, tends to rule the day. If someone tells you otherwise, they are probably trying to sell you something.

Myth #2: The era of undead investing continues.

Ditman is depressed that so many lawns, bushes and trees have died from neglect: "If I were more superstitious, I would think a ghost, werewolf or zombie would come walking out of these places, considering everything else about them appears dead."

This is a common mistake that many first time undead investors make. It is the confusion between the dead and the undead.

Death

Death is the permanent termination of the biological functions that define a living organism. It refers both to a particular event and to the continuing condition that results thereby.

Undead

Undead is a collective name for fictional or legendary beings that are deceased yet behave as if alive.

Nothing that Ditman has described leads one to think that the deceased are behaving as if alive. It seems much more likely that Ditman is depressed because the dead are behaving as if they are truly dead.

Myth #3: The LARP will bail us out.

In some stories and settings, such as the Lorien Trust LARP, the word "unliving" is used as a preferential synonym.

The time for a Legitimate Asset Relief Program (LARP) was when the dead assets were behaving as if they were alive (2002-2005). All it would have taken was sustainable interest rates. It wouldn't have solved our problems but it would have made investors think twice before building and buying millions of excess homes while simultaneously hoarding oil. That time has passed (away) though.

Myth #4: Dead assets are under the control of a necromancer.

In some cases, the undead, especially skeletons and zombies, are under the control of a necromancer.

Undead assets are under the control of a necromancer. However, dead assets are increasingly under the control of our central bankers. This distinction, although subtle perhaps, can cost investors billions, if not trillions, of dollars.

Myth #5: Dead assets can be passed on like a curse or disease.

In other cases, such as zombies as depicted in film, the undead existence is passed on like a curse or disease.

Undead assets can be passed on like a curse or disease. This is true. However, dead assets actually require a financial transaction and a willing buyer. This is why banks are having such a hard time selling the homes that they foreclosed.

This should not be considered undead investment advice and you should always consult with your own financial necromancer/advisor before investing.