The Crock of @#$% Report v.016

July 18, 2015
Trump Worth $10 Billion Less Than If He’d Simply Invested in S&P 500

Imagine Trump had retired in 1982, sold his real estate holdings and invested his $500 million in the S&P 500 — that is, 500 stocks representing the American stock market.

Okay, I'm imagining a guy worth $500 million putting every last penny of it into the stock market in 1982, perfectly timing the start of the bull market in a most undiversified way I might add. I'm imagining him not touching any of it for 30+ years so that it can really grow.

I'm imagining him with no job, no ability to pay rent, no ability to buy food, no ability to buy a small economy car. I'm imagining this multi-millionaire with a small cardboard sign asking those who walk past him on the street to spare a few dimes for a guy down on his luck.

Per this calculator, every dollar invested in January 1982 would have been worth $40 by December of 2014. That means Trump’s initial $500 million would have grown to $20 billion. That’s twice what Trump says he’s worth today.

I'm imagining what a guy in his tax bracket must have done to avoid paying any taxes on all of those dividends and capital gains over the years. I'm imagining this poor homeless man being charged with tax evasion. I'm imagining him going to prison for the rest if his life.

You can beat The Donald

If by beating the Donald you mean that I can become a wealthy homeless man, who never under any circumstances spends a penny of it, who will instead someday be "spending" the rest of my life in prison, then I gotta tell you just one thing. I pass.

Only one thing could sweeten the deal for me. Could I tap some of that worth to buy cat food occasionally? I think my life would significantly improve with a herd of 15 cats or so continually scurrying around me. If it is my plan to be crazy, then I'd really like to look the part. As an added bonus, I could share their food when times get tough!