Friday, February 10, 2017

Sears Soars 30%!

Sears has breached the psychologically important $7 barrier again to levels not seen since late January. For those keeping track at home, it's almost back to where it was exactly two weeks ago! Almost.

This is great news for long-term investors who never gave up on the turnaround story. Much like an 18-wheeler which accidentally drives down a very long and very narrow dead end alley but miraculously manages to back up a few feet without taking damage, here it is! Woohoo!

Yes, sir. I never thought I'd say it. This turnaround story may have L'eggs. Next stop? Levels not seen since 1978? Keep the faith!

Monday, February 6, 2017

The Super Bowl's Black Swan

February 3, 2017
Wells Fargo Quants Tell You How to Bet on the Super Bowl

Wells Fargo Asset Management’s Analytic Investors LLC, the Wall Street quant shop that has accurately predicted 10 of the last 13 Super Bowls against the point spread, says take the Atlanta Falcons and the three points over Tom Brady, Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots.

So what went wrong? 25-sigma event just after Lady Gaga's halftime performance? Nobody could have ever seen it coming! Again.

And here's the best part. I have no assets with Wells Fargo Asset Management. Woohoo! ;)

Saturday, February 4, 2017

The Sarcasm Report v.274

February 4, 2017
CNBC: A couple who spent $30,000 eating out last year highlights a critical money lesson

The life lesson is obvious. If you are spending $80+ per day to eat out then it is very easy to forget exactly how much you are spending. Make it an even $100 though, and you'll never forget. Neither will your waiter! Round up, I say. Round up! It's a win-win for everyone!

"What most people do when they earn a dollar is pay everyone else first. They pay the landlord, the credit card company, the telephone company, the government ..." writes financial adviser David Bach in "The Automatic Millionaire," and at the end of the day, they pay themselves whatever is left over. Oftentimes, that's not much.

Pay yourself first. If there is anything left over then send a few dollars to the landlord, the credit card company, the telephone company, and/or the government. It's a vastly superior plan. None of those entities need the money as much as you do. What's the worst that could happen? Eviction notices? Penalties? Collections? Liens? Lawsuits? Summons? Oh, please. That only happens in the movies!

Monday, January 30, 2017

Blood Bath & Beyond

Bed Bath & Beyond?

No, we're talking Sears again. Down another 12% today as I type this. Needless to say, it's a fresh 52-week low.

It isn't all bad news. I think I actually found the secret video of Eddie Lampert's turnaround story.



Granted, there isn't nearly as much turning as one might expect.

Friday, January 27, 2017

Sears Sheared Yet Again

Down about 10% today. Hit a fresh 52-week low.

If I didn't know better, and I felt that department stores weren't a good investment in this modern age, and I didn't have complete faith in Eddie Lampert, and I wasn't totally optimistic about the future, and I wasn't being sarcastic, then I'd start to suspect that there might be a long-term pattern forming here.

Good thing that I'm none of those things! D'oh!

Pillars of retail department store strength, baby. That's what I'm talking about. Again.

Friday, January 6, 2017

Stolen Tools Epidemic?

January 6, 2017
Deputy: Man stole work tools, then accidentally called boss

FAIRMONT, W.Va - Authorities say a man stole tools from his workplace at an auto repair shop and then accidentally called his boss as he tried to sell them.

Small world. Stanley Black & Decker may have just "stolen" tools from Sears and may someday try to sell them back.

January 5, 2017
Sears closing 150 stores, selling Craftsman in attempt to survive

The ailing retailer said Thursday that it had reached a deal to sell the tools brand to Stanley Black & Decker for a net present value of about $900 million, including future royalty payments.

For lovers of snark (and you know who you are), 2017 is getting off to a great start. Woohoo! ;)

Special thanks to a reader of this blog for pointing out the Sears news to me. Sears snark opportunities only come around every few weeks or so. Nearly missed one!

Sunday, January 1, 2017

The Sarcasm Report v.273

Bloomberg: At $207,000, the Aston Martin Rapide S Is Not a Good Deal

Those making the federal minimum wage already know this, of course. Working 14+ years to buy the car ($7.25 per hour, 40 hour workweeks, 50 weeks per year) definitely isn't a good deal without an extended-term loan, 0% financing, and reduced-price underbody rust protection.

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Selling the Seed Corn to Buy Frozen Corn

December 27, 2016
Real Money: 8 Great Consumer Stocks for 2017

Macy's management could also have more of an immediate, positive effect on the company's stock by selling more real estate to fund share buybacks.

It's funny. I was thinking of selling my house, renting it back from the new landlord, and using the "profits" of the transaction to increase my net worth and financial stability by loading up on frozen corn.

Over the long-term, what could possibly go wrong?