Tuesday, March 21, 2017

The Sarcasm Report v.275

March 21, 2017
MarketWatch: Remote workers are NOT watching daytime TV in their pajamas

It may sound counter-intuitive, but employees are apt to work more efficiently and collaboratively when operating remotely, a new study released Tuesday by video and voice collaboration technology company Polycom, Inc. and Human Resources executive network and research firm Future Workplace found.

If you can't trust a study released by a video and voice collaboration technology company to tell you the true merits of video and voice collaboration technology, then who can you trust?

We now know that there aren't any remote workers watching daytime TV in their pajamas. That's certainly a relief. Or is it?

June 16, 2016
HUFFPOST: Does It Really Help To Picture Your Audience Naked?

Thursday, March 16, 2017

My Personal Cynicism Level Trending Higher

First, allow me to offer a free interview tip.

When trying to land that perfect police job, try not to confess to any serious crimes. Always keep in mind that you have the right to remain silent.

March 14, 2017
Man confesses to date rape during police job interview, lands in jail instead

A West Virginia man mistakenly confessed to a date rape while interviewing for a probation officer job in South Charleston and is now facing sexual assault charges.

They say that we can become more cynical as we age. Now we know why. A younger, more naive version of me, might have expected this man to help pay for my Social Security. The older, wiser version of me, realizes that I may need to help pay for his incarceration.

P.S. Don't even get me started on Trumpcare.

Friday, February 10, 2017

Sears Soars 30%!

Sears has breached the psychologically important $7 barrier again to levels not seen since late January. For those keeping track at home, it's almost back to where it was exactly two weeks ago! Almost.

This is great news for long-term investors who never gave up on the turnaround story. Much like an 18-wheeler which accidentally drives down a very long and very narrow dead end alley but miraculously manages to back up a few feet without taking damage, here it is! Woohoo!

Yes, sir. I never thought I'd say it. This turnaround story may have L'eggs. Next stop? Levels not seen since 1978? Keep the faith!

Monday, February 6, 2017

The Super Bowl's Black Swan

February 3, 2017
Wells Fargo Quants Tell You How to Bet on the Super Bowl

Wells Fargo Asset Management’s Analytic Investors LLC, the Wall Street quant shop that has accurately predicted 10 of the last 13 Super Bowls against the point spread, says take the Atlanta Falcons and the three points over Tom Brady, Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots.

So what went wrong? 25-sigma event just after Lady Gaga's halftime performance? Nobody could have ever seen it coming! Again.

And here's the best part. I have no assets with Wells Fargo Asset Management. Woohoo! ;)

Saturday, February 4, 2017

The Sarcasm Report v.274

February 4, 2017
CNBC: A couple who spent $30,000 eating out last year highlights a critical money lesson

The life lesson is obvious. If you are spending $80+ per day to eat out then it is very easy to forget exactly how much you are spending. Make it an even $100 though, and you'll never forget. Neither will your waiter! Round up, I say. Round up! It's a win-win for everyone!

"What most people do when they earn a dollar is pay everyone else first. They pay the landlord, the credit card company, the telephone company, the government ..." writes financial adviser David Bach in "The Automatic Millionaire," and at the end of the day, they pay themselves whatever is left over. Oftentimes, that's not much.

Pay yourself first. If there is anything left over then send a few dollars to the landlord, the credit card company, the telephone company, and/or the government. It's a vastly superior plan. None of those entities need the money as much as you do. What's the worst that could happen? Eviction notices? Penalties? Collections? Liens? Lawsuits? Summons? Oh, please. That only happens in the movies!

Monday, January 30, 2017

Blood Bath & Beyond

Bed Bath & Beyond?

No, we're talking Sears again. Down another 12% today as I type this. Needless to say, it's a fresh 52-week low.

It isn't all bad news. I think I actually found the secret video of Eddie Lampert's turnaround story.

Granted, there isn't nearly as much turning as one might expect.

Friday, January 27, 2017

Sears Sheared Yet Again

Down about 10% today. Hit a fresh 52-week low.

If I didn't know better, and I felt that department stores weren't a good investment in this modern age, and I didn't have complete faith in Eddie Lampert, and I wasn't totally optimistic about the future, and I wasn't being sarcastic, then I'd start to suspect that there might be a long-term pattern forming here.

Good thing that I'm none of those things! D'oh!

Pillars of retail department store strength, baby. That's what I'm talking about. Again.