Sunday, May 1, 2016

The Most Tempting Offer Ever!

April 30, 2016
Spend 2 hours doing this each month, and save your family $1,000

By investing even just an hour or two a month in reviewing your current financial situation and where you can make improvements, you can save thousands of dollars in the long run...

Headline says 2 hours per month to save $1,000. Details say in the long run.

2 hours per month is 24 hours per year, or 1,000 hours in just under 42 years. This is fantastic news for those who want to save $1,000 by working 1,000 hours. $1 per hour! Woohoo! But wait, it gets even better.

Call an older woman in your family to talk about tough financial times, money regrets and other money issues and see what you learn from that.

I should call my sister and ask her again what it was like working at a bank when the bottom fell out of this economy. That should really brighten her day! Who doesn't like taking a stroll down memory lane?

Bad Mark. Bad! Bad! ;)

Sell in May and Go Away? Not so fast!

May 1, 2016
USA Today: Sell in May? Not so fast!

I haven't read the article but it's pretty obvious what it has to say.

It's May 1st. You tried to sell. You couldn't do it though. Roughly 70% of the time you can, but not this year. Slow down. Relax. There's no need to panic. It's the weekend. You just need to wait one more day. ;)

In all seriousness, you probably can still sell today.

You just need a bit of luck. Wait for one of the world's many telemarketers to contact you. Not just any telemarketer though, you need one that wants all of your personal information before you can win the big prize.

Be sure to share your brokerage account ID and password with him, in addition to Social Security, banking account, and credit card numbers, of course. Then simply ask if he'd be willing to sell your stocks and place the proceeds in your checking account. In my experience, the vast majority will agree and most will even thank you for the opportunity! If you are looking to sell in May this year, as fast as humanly possible, it just doesn't get any easier!

Five Better Steps to Beating the Market from 1928 to 2015

April 27, 2016
MarketWatch: Five steps to beating the market

From 1928 to 2015...

If you are going to use some of the data from 1928 to 2015 to beat the market from 1928 to 2015, then why not use all of the data?

1. Get out of the market entirely just before the Great Depression hits.
2. Invest in the industrial military complex heading into World War 2.
3. Own gold and silver when Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, and George W. Bush are presidents.
4. Buy Haliburton in 2002 at $10 per share, but sell it for $70 the instant Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shoots his buddy in 2006 with a shotgun while quail hunting. Lock in those massive profits! Woohoo!
5. Get out of the market entirely, again, just before the Great Recession hits.

If you follow these steps, I guarantee that you will cleanup! Just be sure not to forget what I taught you, should you ever be transported back to 1928 in a time machine.

Using history to predict history, baby. That's what I'm talking about. Sure thing. Can't lose. And it's so easy that anyone can do it. ;)

Saturday, April 30, 2016

The End of ZIRP! Woohoo!

...finally ended its ''zero interest rate policy'' (yes, ZIRP)? After all, it's only a quarter-point rise... - Paul Krugman

I should probably share the rest of the story. There's nothing worse than taking a quote out of context. I do apologize.

August 13, 2000
Reckonings; End Of The ZIRP

We interrupt America's political silly season to bring you a special bulletin: something important and disturbing just happened in Japan.

O.K., I admit that it doesn't look important, especially to Americans. So what if last Friday the Bank of Japan finally ended its ''zero interest rate policy'' (yes, ZIRP)? After all, it's only a quarter-point rise, in a faraway country that doesn't interest most Americans now that it no longer seems a dangerous competitor. And yet I would not be surprised if future economic historians look back at Friday's move as the beginning of the end for an era, and not just in Japan.

What? 2000? That's Japan's quarter-point increase, not our quarter-point increase? Oops! My bad.

My personal guess is that in the near future, whatever optimism people are now feeling about Japan's economy will evaporate, and the nation's malaise will be deeper than ever -- thanks in large part to Friday's action.

Can't happen here! We're on the path to higher rates and nothing can stop us! Not even 35+ years of falling rates! Heck, might even get another quarter-point interest rate hike this year. Maybe, if we're lucky. I mean, it is possible. Right? There is absolutely no way we'll ever slip back into ZIRP again and get semi-permanently trapped, just because Japan did! That's crazy talk!

Why on earth would I share that video here? It makes no sense. The girl does not represent someone trapped in ZIRP and never allowed to change, nor does the old guy represent some Fed Chairman who trapped her. You've got a sick and twisted imagination if you think that! Get your mind out of the gutter. I must have instead shared it because the tune is creepy and hypnotic, which very much appeals to my darker side. That's all. Try not to read too much into it. ;)

CNBC Has Seriously Underestimated the Sears Turnaround Story

April 30, 2016
Why many retirees will run out of money

For example, 9 percent thought it would be all right to withdraw 15 to 24 percent of their savings annually. Even with positive investment performance, that would almost certainly deplete a nest egg within a decade.

9 percent of these investors may have complete and utter faith in the Sears turnaround story.

Oh, sure. SHLD closed down 9% on Friday, is down 20% for the year, and is down 89% from its peak in 2007 (adjusted for dividends and splits). That's good news though! Why?

Return to the mean, baby. Return to the mean.

You'd feel downright silly only withdrawing 4% of your savings each year knowing that your heavily leveraged and undiversified Sears portfolio would shortly be returning to the mean! Sure thing! Can't lose!

Bad Mark. Bad. Bad. ;)

Quote of the Day

April 30, 2016
The Latest: Buffett says real estate less attractive

Buffett says all kinds of American companies are “loaded with people not doing anything or doing the wrong thing.”

There's never been a better time to invest in all kinds of American companies loaded with people not doing anything or doing the wrong thing.

Buy now or be priced out forever, lol. Sigh.

The Sarcasm Report v.252

April 30, 2016
Retirement savers get good news

Those folks saving for retirement are upping their game: A record 13.6 percent of 401(k) participants raised their savings rate during the first quarter this year. Overall, employee contributions, combined with employer matching funds and profit sharing, rose 12.7 percent to reach another record.

Over the past year (as of April 30th), adjusted for dividends and splits:

1. The SPDR S&P 500 ETF (SPY) is up 1.1%.
2. The iShares 1-3 Year Treasury Bond Fund (SHY) is up 0.7%.
3. The iShares 20+ Year Treasury Bond Fund (TLT) is up 5.3%.

Retirement savers were repeatedly told:

1. Buy stocks as there is no alternative. If you absolutely need to earn 10% per year and you know that you cannot earn it in fixed income, then you must swing for the fences to have any hope at all.
2. Although past performance is not necessarily indicative of future performance, past performance shows stocks go up 10% per year, on average. You can therefore expect stocks to go up 10% per year.
3. If one must own fixed income, then stick to the shorter end of the curve due to the rising interest rate environment. Do not lock in long-term yields on the off chance that we get stuck in an ultra-low interest rate environment longer than expected.

In hindsight, in order to compensate for the lousy returns and the lousy advice, retirement savers have been forced to up their game in order for their retirement asset goals to be met.

This isn't just good news for retirement savers. It's fantastic news! Woohoo! Get out the party hats!

Why Congress Has Such a Low Approval Rating

What's considered normal in the United States, is actually considered humor in the United Kingdom. :)