Friday, January 6, 2017

Stolen Tools Epidemic?

January 6, 2017
Deputy: Man stole work tools, then accidentally called boss

FAIRMONT, W.Va - Authorities say a man stole tools from his workplace at an auto repair shop and then accidentally called his boss as he tried to sell them.

Small world. Stanley Black & Decker may have just "stolen" tools from Sears and may someday try to sell them back.

January 5, 2017
Sears closing 150 stores, selling Craftsman in attempt to survive

The ailing retailer said Thursday that it had reached a deal to sell the tools brand to Stanley Black & Decker for a net present value of about $900 million, including future royalty payments.

For lovers of snark (and you know who you are), 2017 is getting off to a great start. Woohoo! ;)

Special thanks to a reader of this blog for pointing out the Sears news to me. Sears snark opportunities only come around every few weeks or so. Nearly missed one!

Sunday, January 1, 2017

The Sarcasm Report v.273

Bloomberg: At $207,000, the Aston Martin Rapide S Is Not a Good Deal

Those making the federal minimum wage already know this, of course. Working 14+ years to buy the car ($7.25 per hour, 40 hour workweeks, 50 weeks per year) definitely isn't a good deal without an extended-term loan, 0% financing, and reduced-price underbody rust protection.

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Selling the Seed Corn to Buy Frozen Corn

December 27, 2016
Real Money: 8 Great Consumer Stocks for 2017

Macy's management could also have more of an immediate, positive effect on the company's stock by selling more real estate to fund share buybacks.

It's funny. I was thinking of selling my house, renting it back from the new landlord, and using the "profits" of the transaction to increase my net worth and financial stability by loading up on frozen corn.

Over the long-term, what could possibly go wrong?

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

First World Problem of the Day

It's a problem. It often causes me to change the channel. I can't be the only one. Right?

Okay, I admit it. As far as global problems go, it's very minor. That said, it's such a simple problem with such a simple solution.

Just stop talking that way. How hard can it be? Seriously.

Or better yet, go all in. At least that would be amusing!

Yes! Hahaha! :)

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

The Era of Compromise

January 26, 2011
CBS News: There's No Such Thing as a Compromise in Business

There's something about the word "compromise" that irks me. Many people say, "If everyone just compromised, we'd all be better off."

I don't think so.

Oh, please. We'd definitely be better off if we all compromise.

December 14, 2016
One Billion Compromised Accounts Doesn't Look Good, Yahoo

Yahoo announced that it experienced another hack, separate from the 500 million accounts that were compromised in a 2014 security breach that it reported in September of this year.

A billion users can't be wrong! Compromise for the win! Woohoo! Yahoo!

How to Retire in a Blaze of Glory

December 13, 2016
Middle manager who retired with a Reply All email tirade shows how not to quit a job

"When they asked for an honest exit interview, I gave them one," Stuban told He retired on Thanksgiving Day and now plans to travel and volunteer at his church.

While it might be tempting, and seemingly hilarious, to go out in a blaze of glory like Stuban or Joanna in "Office Space," you're better off holding your tongue.

How exactly would he be better off holding his tongue? He doesn't seem to be regretting his decision to go out in a blaze of glory.

I wrote a burning bridges letter when I retired 17 years ago. How else would I have heard the following from my general manager?

Of course employees are our number one priority. It's just that other things are more important right now.

I kid you not. I'll take that quote to my grave. Never regretted the resignation letter that prompted it. Very cathartic! Hahaha!

You only get one real chance to say exactly what you want to your employer. It's when you retire. Had I retired a few years earlier, say before the financial fraud and the seemingly endless waves of layoffs hit, the letter would have been much different. Go figure.