The Sarcasm Report v.68

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Give the gift of Gold the holiday season

By giving Gold you will teach your children a valuable lesson in life, how to save!!! See their faces light up on Christmas morning when they open a box of Gold. The smile in their faces will be something for you to cherish to be sure.

Here's some bonus advice to enhance the experience.

Fill an empty Playstation 3 box with $1,400 worth of gold. That should add up to around one ounce at today's prices. You may need to add some crumpled up newspaper so all that gold does not rattle around too much.

On the outside of the box write a note hinting that the following games may also be included.

1. Call of Duty: Black Ops ($60)
2. Medal of Honor ($50)
3. Star Wars: The Force Unleashed ($50)
4. NBA 2K11 ($50)
5. Fallout: New Vegas ($50)
6. FIFA Soccer 11 ($50)
7. Final Fantasy XIII ($30)
8. Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood ($60)
9. Super Street Fighter IV ($20)
10. Red Dead Redemption ($50)
11. Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit ($60)
12. Gran Turismo 5 ($60)
13. Castlevania: Lords of Shadow ($50)
14. Resident Evil 5 ($20)
15. Madden NFL 11 ($50)
16. God of War III ($40)
17. Little Big Planet: Game of the Year Edition ($30)
18. Borderlands ($30)
19. Rock Band 1 ($10)
20. Rock Band 2 ($20)
21. Rock Band 3 ($60)

Make sure you also write "or their equivalent" somewhere on the note. Life is all about disclaimers and you'll want to be teaching that too.

That's a $1,200 value (including the $300 Playstation 3) plus sales tax.

I can only imagine the expression on the child's face when the package is opened to reveal that the box was instead filled with all that gold. The child's face lighting up and the accompanying smile will be a wonder to behold. You will no doubt be reminded of it each and every Christmas for the rest of your life.

And don't forget the coal for the stocking over the fireplace Mr. Scrooge! Coal is a great source of energy when times turn tough.