Friday, January 6, 2017

Stolen Tools Epidemic?

January 6, 2017
Deputy: Man stole work tools, then accidentally called boss

FAIRMONT, W.Va - Authorities say a man stole tools from his workplace at an auto repair shop and then accidentally called his boss as he tried to sell them.

Small world. Stanley Black & Decker may have just "stolen" tools from Sears and may someday try to sell them back.

January 5, 2017
Sears closing 150 stores, selling Craftsman in attempt to survive

The ailing retailer said Thursday that it had reached a deal to sell the tools brand to Stanley Black & Decker for a net present value of about $900 million, including future royalty payments.

For lovers of snark (and you know who you are), 2017 is getting off to a great start. Woohoo! ;)

Special thanks to a reader of this blog for pointing out the Sears news to me. Sears snark opportunities only come around every few weeks or so. Nearly missed one!


Rebecca Zegstroo said...

What else can a company be after it sells its most valuable brand?

Stagflationary Mark said...

Oh, no! You've said the secret word!

We musn't say the word that must not be mentioned.

Saying the secret word in public will fulfill the prophecy!

We must speak of "hope" and "opportunity" lest we be blamed for the downfall. ;)

mab said...

I wonder if Sears Australia is circling the drain in the opposite direction.

I'll miss it when it's gone! Until then, I'm going to savor every minute of Eddie's genius!

His investment has gotten hammered! His investors are getting screwed! Somebody threw a wrench into the sure thing mix. One of the best investments I ever saw! As an investor, Eddie is way out of my caliper! It's like he caught a falling utility knife!

Let's drill down a "bit" deeper. Perhaps we can even add some Bill Shakespeare!

Measure of measure, Eddie's on the level! Awls well that ends well!

Oh yeah, the year's off to a great start!

Stagflationary Mark said...


I lathe puns. It's sort of a love/loathe relationship.

Know any smokin' hot pipe wenches? I'm looking for a smooth operator to file your puns for later. Can't file them now. It's hammer time!

I can't speak for Australia, but I do know that Miami vice grips are the best. Just got to be careful with the don's johnson. Anything happens to it and you're likely to be made an offer you can't refuse.

Safety goggles the mind. A great hedge fund manager should have known Sears stock would not perform like Sears stock cars.

mab said...

Things are coming un-hinged at Sears. Looks like a router! It's nuts! And Usain Bolts! Washers and dryers....and tires. Movers and shakers. Buggy whip makers!

Chalk line it up to a failure to meet Great Expectations. No worries though if you axe me. Eddie just needs to clamp down on costs and up the sails. The olde lady is taking on water. More pitch to seal the deal! Wash her and dry her!

Kenmore worse things be ahead? Okay, put me on the spot weld, but I can't say for shore, but it's a riveting yarn.

Alas, it's a 2 & 20 winter's tale of a would be minter!

Guilty until proven innocent! Little big man!

Anonymous said...

I work for a company under the corporation that used to own Allen Tools which makes Craftsman. They could see the writing on the wall and sold that company.

dearieme said...

Decades ago I worked in a lab where the boss was not a man of sound judgement. He set a procedure going over the weekend, to be supervised intermittently by a technician.

When someone turned up for work early on the Monday and learned the details, he switched off the apparatus and called an ambulance to take the technician into hospital to be checked for mercury poisoning.

A while later we received a phone call; "Infirmary here; we need your help. Some poor sod has been brought in potentially suffering from mercury poisoning, and none of us has any experience of this problem. It occurred to us that you might be just the people to advise us."

It didn't seem at all funny at the time.

Stagflationary Mark said...


Little big man? It's both unclear and nuclear where these puns are going next.

Fat man and little boy have a brother?

And his name was the man with no name! Fistful of puns and for a few puns more!

Puns. Good. Bad. Ugly.

Stagflationary Mark said...


For what it is worth, I have no brand loyalty to Craftsman. Not when I can shop at Lowe's or Home Depot and find umpteen thousands of hammers to choose from. Brand is the last thing I'm looking at. Go figure.

Stagflationary Mark said...