Monday, February 16, 2015

The Sarcasm Report v.206

February 16, 2015
Slow productivity growth could hurt the economy

Could hurt it? Could not hurt it? Which is it? Hard to say. Let's seek out the reasoning.

In the short term, low productivity growth is a good thing for the labor market. With the production potential of each employee limited, businesses must hire more workers to meet growing demand.

Oh, the humanity! Somebody needs to do something before every worker is hired! The economy clearly cannot tolerate that level of pain!

Ultimately, a less productive, slower-growing economy means less hiring.

Indeed. Once every worker is hired then it will be very difficult to hire more workers. We will run out. It does not take a rocket scientist to see that we should not allow this to happen! Basic math will not be denied!

This is why I implore you to sign my "Up with robots! Down with humans!" productivity miracle petition! We must never, under any circumstances, allow corporate profits to fall! Labor must never achieve anything more than modest pricing power!

Can't you see what a fully employed workforce would do to the housing market? Nothing good, let me tell you. No, sir. Best to replace every worker with a fully mechanized and automated robot and then convert every existing housing unit into a robot storage facility. And what do we do with the leftover humans? More homeless shelters! Expand the food stamp program even further! Genius!

Prosperity, baby. That's what I'm talking about.


Michael said...

I am sure that labor cuts are on their way since many companies are beginning to miss estimates due to lower sales, margins, and unfavorable exchange rates. Share buy backs and staff reductions will be needed to keep the bottom line number on target. Mark you are master of sarcasm.

Stagflationary Mark said...


We can only hope that staff reductions will soon be on the way. The alternative is just too scary to contemplate.

Full employment can only lead to corporate boardroom misery, assuming that leveraged stock options cannot be exercised in time of course.

We're all in this together. It's just that some have golden parachutes while others have seat cushions which double as flotation devices. It's all good.

The Masters of Sarcasm was easy go get. Many of the online schools offer it. The PhD is proving more elusive. I can't seem to find the Sarcastic Hall of Justice in order to present my dissertation. Each time I ask fir directions, all I get is excessive eye rolling. ;)