Sunday, January 1, 2012

The Sarcasm Report v.147

January 1, 2012
Euro Leaders Aim to Buy Time to Save Currency

Knowledge = Power
Time = Money
Power = Work / Time

Since we know this to be true, we can therefore derive a few more formulas from it.

Currency = Money = Time

That's pretty much self evident. Now let us substitute knowledge for power.

Knowledge = Work / Time

This implies that if you work overtime then you and/or your boss will gain knowledge and/or power. Makes sense. Now let us substitute currency for time.

Knowledge = Work / Currency

Now let us rearrange the formula and solve for currency.

Currency = Work / Knowledge

Yes! This makes perfect sense. You can get rich if you either work harder or have less knowledge.

And finally, let us use what we've learned to adjust the first article's headline and make sense of it.

Euro leaders are buying currency to save work (over knowledge).

Who would doubt that? It's crystal clear. That's what the math shows!

What a joke this has become.


From the article:

“It is vital that eurozone policymakers get a real grip on matters quickly.”

I understand the theory here, but surely a fake grip on matters drawn out over many months would be good enough as long as nobody spills the bea... Um, oops.

Real grip! Of course! In no way am I attempting to imply a sarcastic unjustified eye roll here.


fried said...

You can get rich if you either work harder or have less knowledge.

Best news I've read in ages. I have forced myself to work and keep up in my field for well, decades now. But, I would like to be rich.I had feared that only being a member of Congress and being able to use and sell insider info would improve my status...but now I can surrender to sloth and stupidity and watch the bucks roll in. Cool.
Happy New Year.

Stagflationary Mark said...


Surrender to the sloth and stupidity and the world will be your oyster! That's a $50 value for just $9.95. Call within the next 10 minutes and we'll double your order. Just pay separate shipping and handling.

Be sure to ask our operator about free shipping if you upgrade your order (to include oyster refrigeration from our oyster delivery center in Death Valley, California).

Happy New Year! :)

Who Struck John said...

Mark, this definitely explains the DC wealth disparity you were commenting on earlier today at MaxedOutMama's blog.

I see you are working hard at locking down the Snark of Year for 2012 before we even get the first week finished.

Stagflationary Mark said...

Who Struck John,

I'm running scared! I think you can see my desperation. MaxedOutMama's Deadly Flue Germs? was priceless, lol.

Stagflationary Mark said...

I have updated this post with some bonus sarcasm after the words of wisdom from the article eventually set in.

EconomicDisconnect said...

Very nice! I could even follow the formulas.

Stagflationary Mark said...

The math never lies! ;)

fried said...

By the way, watch the Rubicon, after flatlining in 2011, those equity analysts are predicting an even smaller gain in 2012.
I wish I could get a job like that...half asleep and without coffee I could write stuff like that too.

Stagflationary Mark said...


Telling me to watch the Rubicon is like telling Jeremy Siegel to look for reasons to be optimistic.

In fact, I'm thinking of forming a new association.

Rubicon Watchers of America

There's only two things stopping me.

1. I don't want to alienate our foreign Rubicon watching friends.

2. RWA has already been taken.

As one of the largest writers associations, Romance Writers of America leverages its influence and credibility to advocate for improving business conditions in the romance publishing industry.

Perhaps we could merge. ;)