The Sarcasm Report v.150

Has there really been 150 of these? Time flies when you're heckling I guess. Well, let's see what I can do to make this milestone memorable.

February 13, 2012
Economy isn’t shock-resistant yet, forecaster says

WASHINGTON (MarketWatch) – The U.S. economy is regaining its vigor but probably isn’t strong enough yet to withstand a major external shock...

Absolutely. We need a fabulous economy in order to withstand a major shock.

Fabulous economy. Best that we've had in forever, almost. - Suze Orman, April 2000

At the very least we need an economy that is still very strong.

This whole subprime mortgage mess is just an excuse for the gunslingers and river boat gamblers on Wall Street to use their tricks to move markets and make money. The economy is still very strong. The most cagey players on Wall Street like Goldman Sachs are now trying to buy — not sell — as much distressed merchandise in the mortgage area as they can. This is a good clue about where the smart money is going. - Ben Stein, March 2007

And don't even get me started on Jeremy Siegel.

But Siegel rejects the notion that the major multinational companies are unrepresentative of the stock market's trend or an illusion of false stock market prosperity. - Dow Fever Runs Briefly At 10,000 Degrees, March 1999

He rejected the notion that there was an illusion of false stock market prosperity?

Oh yeah? Well, I reject the notion that the illusion of false stock market prosperity should be rejected! So there.

I just don't know how I could make it any more clear than that.

Psst. Anyone have a quadruple-negative grammar calculator to check my work? I don't want to be on the wrong side of this prosperity trade. I strongly suspect that I am. The wording is dizzying, lol.

Double negative

In Standard English, two negatives are understood to resolve to a positive. This rule was observed as early as 1762, when Bishop Robert Lowth wrote A Short Introduction to English Grammar with Critical Notes. For instance, "I do not disagree" could mean "I certainly agree". Further statements may be necessary to resolve which particular meaning was intended.

Because of this ambiguity, double negatives are frequently employed when making back-handed compliments. The phrase "Mr. Jones was not incompetent" will seldom mean "Mr. Jones was very competent" since the speaker would have found a more flattering way to say so. Instead, some kind of problem is implied, though Mr. Jones possesses basic competence at his tasks.

There was no way we could not have prospered like we did not if not for the excellent financial advice that the financial experts did not offer.