Investment Idea of the Day: Crowdfunding the Needy

August 26, 2015
CNBC: Offering alternatives to lofty retirement dreams

They were shocked, because they'd done so much correctly—worked hard, lived within their means and consistently saved for retirement, putting away $2.3 million between retirement and non-qualified investments.

There are so many needy people in the world.

For example, take Matthew and Elizabeth. They are in a serious bind. He's 66 and they have just been told by their financial advisor that $2.3 million just isn't enough to retire on.

Here's what we can do to help. If we were to raise an additional $2.3 million then they might have enough. It would give them an enormous safety buffer. We could structure it like an annuity. They could invest the $2.3 million in us and we would make payments to them as if they had $4.6 million. It would double their cash flow for the rest of their lives!

So how could we win? Well, at the time of their passing we would stop paying them, sort of like how an annuity investment works. Therefore, if they pass away quickly then we would still have most of their $2.3 million.

In an effort to make the world a better place, I'm therefore looking for qualified investors. What are the qualifications you might ask? It's quite simple really. Watched every episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents and Columbo? That's a plus. Have you been convicted of murder? That's also a plus. Have you murdered but did not actually get caught? Huge plus. Any experience with making it look like an accident? You are at the top of the list, let me assure you.

Shame on me. Bad Mark! Bad! Bad! ;)

In all seriousness, how many more sob stories about multi-millionaire retirees must we endure? It's enough to make me want to bash my own brains in. Don't believe me? Well...

Forehead. Desk. Whack. Whack. Whack.