The Sarcasm Report v.238

August 27, 2015
Fox News: Walmart to stop selling semi-automatic weapons

As a responsible, but not rabid, owner of a very popular semi-automatic handgun, this headline sure caught my attention. Thanks Fox News for letting me know!

Lundberg said the company had seen a decrease in sales of the particular models of guns, but declined to give specific sales numbers. He said stores would increase inventory of other models of shotguns and rifles popular among hunters.

Particular unpopular models will be replaced with more popular models? What? The headline says that Walmart would stop selling semi-automatic weapons. After reading that headline, I became justifiably convinced that we were heading back to single-shot flintlock muskets and pistols. Whew!

In related news, I just heard that McDonald's will stop selling chicken soon! I swear it is true! Here, let me find the link.

March 4, 2015
McDonald’s to stop selling chicken treated with human antibiotics in US

Move comes in response to consumer demand for transparency

Oops. My bad. McDonald's will keep selling chicken. They are simply replacing unpopular chicken with more popular chicken. I didn't mean to be such an alarmist for those who love chicken as much as I do.