The Last Days in the Cookbook of Revelation

August 17, 2015
The Surprise Ingredient in Starbucks' New Pumpkin Spice Latte

Starbucks announced that it's adding a special ingredient to its "beloved" pumpkin spice latte this year: pumpkin.

As foretold in the Cookbook of Revelation, the end times are upon us. Halloween be thy name.

A major global corporation will run out of fake pumpkin spice. They will have no choice but to turn to pumpkin harvesting. The Great Pumpkin bubble will form. No other crops will be grown. Costs will go up by orders of magnitude. The Fed will raise interest rates to no avail. Profitability will plummet. False profits will appear. Layoffs will ensue. Famine will become commonplace. Wars will rage. The planet will burn. A man will emerge from the flames. He will seek to enslave us all. Blood will stream from his whatever.