Stock Market Expert Says Not Buying the Falling Knife Likely Saved Man's Retirement Savings

“A lot of people’s first instinct when they come face-to-face with a rapidly falling stock price is to freak out and immediately double down and buy more,” the stock market expert said. “It’s a completely understandable reaction, but believe it or not, that is precisely the type of behavior that a professional Wall Street trader, backed by proprietary high speed trading algorithms, is going to interpret as threatening.”

August 13, 2015
The Onion: Wildlife Experts Say Not Climbing Into Gorilla Enclosure Likely Saved Man’s Life

“A lot of people’s first instinct when they come face-to-face with a gorilla is to freak out and immediately climb into its habitat,” Feld said. “It’s a completely understandable reaction, but believe it or not, that is precisely the type of behavior an eastern lowland gorilla is going to interpret as threatening.”

That's what makes The Onion so funny! All it takes is a little bit of imagination and it becomes instantly relatable to everyday experiences! ;)