September 27, 2016
Consumer confidence jumps to highest level since 2007
WASHINGTON - U.S. consumer confidence rose in September to the highest level in nine years.
Can you blame consumers for being so optimistic?
1. As in 2008, we are about to elect a new president! And with two extremely popular candidates to choose from, we can't lose no matter who we pick! Hurray!
2. Although Eddie Lampert is doing everything in his power to destroy department store jobs, he's just one man and there just aren't that many jobs left! Hey Jeff Bezos, ever play Mortal Kombat? This one's for you!
3. Thanks to the Fed's zero interest rate policy, the average credit card rate is just 15.22%! Never been a better time to borrow money to buy that cheap plastic dream item from China!
4. Although there have been roughly 20 recessions since the Fed was created, there will be no more recessions! We have finally achieved a permanently mediocre plateau of sub-par growth! That's right. We are stronger than ever before as we hobble and stumble along into the future! Perfectly fine as long as no external shocks ever appear again! Woohoo!
Livin' the dream!!
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