Don't Let WebMD Dissuade You from Visiting Water Parks This Summer

September 4, 2015
WebMD: 10 Public Hot Spots for Germs

A water park crawling with 1,000 kids can have 22 pounds of poop floating around, says Michele Hlavsa, RN, chief of the CDC's Healthy Swimming Program.

Yeah, okay. Can have 22 pounds, sure. But isn't it, on average, probably closer to just 20 pounds?

Little kids can carry as much as 10 grams of leftover feces on their rear ends, she says.

They can carry 1/45th of a pound. However, the average leftover feces carrying child is probably closer to carrying just 1/50th of a pound. It would therefore take at least 13 of them to add up to a quarter-pounder.

They don't make a habit of washing off before jumping in, so all that poop just rinses off into the pool. It adds up, and chlorine doesn't kill everything.

Surely not every child. Some enter the water clean. Right? Are you with me on this? And chlorine kills some of it. Right? So why not treat the water glass as half full? Drink up and enjoy life!



Oh, come on! Not her again! I was trying to be optimistic! I really was!

First world problems that look a lot like third world problems, baby. That's what I'm talking about. Yikes!

This Would Be a Huge Mistake

Whatever you do, don't watch all but the last 10 minutes of Michael Clayton.

I've seen the movie more than a few times, if only to set up the mood properly for the ending. The dialogue between George Clooney and Tilda Swinton is brilliant, as are their performances.

That's just an opinion, of course. You may be the type of person who licks a Tootsie Pop, never takes a bite, and then throws it away just before you reach the chocolate center. Who am I to know what you like? ;)

Spoiler Alert



Profanity Alert

This is the first film ending I've ever seen where I literally jumped up out of my seat and yelled FUCK YEAH! - RHINOSAUR

Words of wisdom.

We Are Being Deceived!

May 2, 2016
Starbucks iced coffee contains too much ice, not enough coffee, lawsuit claims

“In essence, Starbucks is advertising the size of its Cold Drink cups on its menu, rather than the amount of fluid a customer will receive when they purchase a Cold Drink — and deceiving its customers in the process,” the lawsuit states.

Let me get this straight. If I order a 24 ounce cup filled with an iced beverage, then the ice will actually displace some of the liquid, and I will therefore have less liquid?

What? Physics is crazy!! Why can't I have 24 ounces of ice and 24 ounces of liquid in my 24 ounce cup at the same time? Damn you Starbucks!

It gets even worse though, and I'm surprised that nobody is talking about it. If I order a 24 ounce iced beverage and let it sit out in the sun for a bit, my iced beverage becomes entirely liquid. No ice at all! I bought the ice so where is it?

What? Physics is crazy!! Why can't Starbucks sell me an iced beverage that stays iced? Damn you Starbucks!

I've tried everything I can think of to work around all these manufacturing defects, but enough is enough. Although I've never actually had an iced beverage at Starbucks, I need a lawyer too, for the emotional pain and suffering I'm experiencing right now, just thinking about it! Need proof? I mean, good grief, just look at that run-on sentence! I'm becoming emotionally unstable!

We're being deceived! Lawyers and tin foil hats are desperately needed!

Full disclosure: I have a vested interest in posting this. No, I do not own Starbucks stock. However, I definitely don't want to waste my time serving on this case's potential jury. Pretty darned sure I just took myself out of the running. ;)

The Wall Street Journal's Department of Redundancy Department

May 2, 2016
The Wall Street Journal: GNC Holdings Considering Selling Itself

Last year, GNC’s sales rose 1% to $2.64 billion last year, after falling the year before.

Today, I thought I'd see what was up with GNC today. As I was reading the article today, I thought I'd be commenting on the following quote first today but the quote above is something that I instead decided to quote first, today. If you look closely, you can see which quote I put first, and it is the quote above. It is followed by the following quote which was once thought to be first, but is no longer first.

The company said it was forced to deeply discount vitamins because it had a glut of inventory nearing expiration on its shelves.

I find it very hard to believe that with 9,000 stores and franchises selling vitamins, and every store and franchise packed with vitamins that they wish to sell, that they could ever have too many vitamins to sell in their 9,000 stores and franchises which sell vitamins.

Costco is where I buy vitamins. I buy vitamins at Costco. No desire to make special trips to specialty stores when specialty stores sell the specialty items that can be found where I normally shop, at Costco. GNC's vitamins therefore seem redundant. Put another way, there seems to be redundancy in the vitamins that GNC sells.

I'd like to thank you for reading this post, so thank you for reading this post. I'm impressed that you made it this far, what with all the redundancy making it difficult to read this far. It was simply my attempt to amuse you in some small insignificant way today, so I truly hope that it amused you in some small insignificant way, today. I would be humbled if you honored me with a redundant comment, but a redundant comment is not necessary to humble me. I am humbled whether you leave a redundant comment or not, simply because you managed to read all of this post, even with all the redundancy. I'm impressed.

Thank you and have a great day! Have a great day! Thank you! Hahaha! :)

Why Oil Is Permanently Trapped Between $30 and $50

May 1, 2016
Bloomberg Video: Why Oil Prices Aren't Headed Back to $30 a Barrel

April 29, 2016
CNBC: Sorry, but oil isn’t going to hit $50: Technical analyst

If you can't trust the financial headlines out of Bloomberg and CNBC simultaneously, then who can you trust?

Further, I want to calm the fears of the analyst apologizing for predicting that oil won't hit $50. Although I was really looking forward to $145 oil again (aren't we all!), I'll just have to find something else to waste my money on instead. I'm sure I'll think up something. No big deal.

EBAY: 1984 ELVIS PRESLEY "ALOHA HAWAII" WORLD DOLL 288 OF 750! LAST CHANCE!

$3,700.00

Just like oil, a bargain at any price! Woohoo! ;)

The Most Tempting Offer Ever!

April 30, 2016
Spend 2 hours doing this each month, and save your family $1,000

By investing even just an hour or two a month in reviewing your current financial situation and where you can make improvements, you can save thousands of dollars in the long run...

Headline says 2 hours per month to save $1,000. Details say in the long run.

2 hours per month is 24 hours per year, or 1,000 hours in just under 42 years. This is fantastic news for those who want to save $1,000 by working 1,000 hours. $1 per hour! Woohoo! But wait, it gets even better.

Call an older woman in your family to talk about tough financial times, money regrets and other money issues and see what you learn from that.

I should call my sister and ask her again what it was like working at a bank when the bottom fell out of this economy. That should really brighten her day! Who doesn't like taking a stroll down memory lane?



Bad Mark. Bad! Bad! ;)

Sell in May and Go Away? Not so fast!

May 1, 2016
USA Today: Sell in May? Not so fast!

I haven't read the article but it's pretty obvious what it has to say.

It's May 1st. You tried to sell. You couldn't do it though. Roughly 70% of the time you can, but not this year. Slow down. Relax. There's no need to panic. It's the weekend. You just need to wait one more day. ;)

In all seriousness, you probably can still sell today.

You just need a bit of luck. Wait for one of the world's many telemarketers to contact you. Not just any telemarketer though, you need one that wants all of your personal information before you can win the big prize.

Be sure to share your brokerage account ID and password with him, in addition to Social Security, banking account, and credit card numbers, of course. Then simply ask if he'd be willing to sell your stocks and place the proceeds in your checking account. In my experience, the vast majority will agree and most will even thank you for the opportunity! If you are looking to sell in May this year, as fast as humanly possible, it just doesn't get any easier!

Five Better Steps to Beating the Market from 1928 to 2015

April 27, 2016
MarketWatch: Five steps to beating the market

From 1928 to 2015...

If you are going to use some of the data from 1928 to 2015 to beat the market from 1928 to 2015, then why not use all of the data?

1. Get out of the market entirely just before the Great Depression hits.
2. Invest in the industrial military complex heading into World War 2.
3. Own gold and silver when Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, and George W. Bush are presidents.
4. Buy Haliburton in 2002 at $10 per share, but sell it for $70 the instant Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shoots his buddy in 2006 with a shotgun while quail hunting. Lock in those massive profits! Woohoo!
5. Get out of the market entirely, again, just before the Great Recession hits.

If you follow these steps, I guarantee that you will cleanup! Just be sure not to forget what I taught you, should you ever be transported back to 1928 in a time machine.

Using history to predict history, baby. That's what I'm talking about. Sure thing. Can't lose. And it's so easy that anyone can do it. ;)