Ninja Sighting Takes Down Stock Market

That's my theory anyway.

School locked down after 'ninja' sighted in woods

Public schools in Barnegat were locked down briefly after someone reported seeing a ninja running through the woods behind an elementary school.

Only ninjas can spot ninjas. I thought everyone knew that. Clearly the ninja was an impostor.

Turns out the ninja was actually a camp counselor dressed in black karate garb and carrying a plastic sword.

Exactly. It was an Illusion of Ninja.

Since there appears to be some confusion on the role of ninjas in our economy, perhaps now would be a good time to point out that ninja loans were not backed by the full faith and credit of actual ninjas. Had they been, we wouldn't be in such dire straits right now. Unfortunately, ninja loans weren't backed by anything at all.

We know this to be true because it would be impossible to secure a loan from a known ninja. If you meet one and you somehow manage to recognize him as a ninja, then you wouldn't live long enough to sign the paperwork.

That being said, if you are absolutely convinced the person handing you paperwork to sign in a bank is NOT a ninja, then you should be very suspicious. Only a ninja could absolutely convince you that he or she is not a ninja. They are masters of disguise. You should be doubly suspicious if you can't fully understand the details of the paperwork but are thinking of signing it anyway. Ninjas are also known for their subterfuge and mind control.

Ninja Disguise

Be the Coke machine.

Ninja Mind Control

Those who have purchased this volume with the idea of employing mind control to further their own selfish motives will be sadly disappointed.

You can't employ mind control to further your own selfish motives by reading just one book. That's fairly obvious. It takes at least two books.

Bank Regulation