Saturday, December 10, 2011

The Sarcasm Report v.142 (Musical Tribute)

December 10, 2011
Start Your Restaurant with an Experienced Restaurant Industry Lawyer, Says Restaurant Expert Witness

Restaurant Expert Witness, Restaurant Consultant, and CEO, Howard Cannon, says, "Hire the best lawyers and accountants you can afford. They are out there and the great ones are worth every penny. A lot of people are trying to save money when they start a restaurant, but many make the mistake of choosing to use no lawyer at all because they think they can get what they need from some sort of website."

I've been giving some thought to opening a new restaurant. This article really sealed the deal for me. I am going to hire a plethora of the "best lawyers and accountants" that money can buy and use any remaining nest egg to secure a loan to partially fund my new business.

I figure if I come up a bit short, I can always just sell my house and live right on the premises of my new restaurant business.

Prosperity, baby! That's what I'm talking about!

Fine Print Disclaimer: Please note that this *is* a sarcasm report.


fried said...

Glad I'm not in the restaurant biz...I would have thought a good chef, good line cooks, a good location, and a good purveyor with fair pricing were important. I would have failed before I started.

Stagflationary Mark said...


I think I would have failed right there with you.

On the other hand, we didn't fail. We haven't even lost a penny in the restaurant business! Perhaps we should co-author a self-help book, lol. Sigh.

AllanF said...

Ahh yes, you can always sleep in your car, but you can't drive your house.

Fritz_O said...

The restaurant business is very rewarding...for lawyers and accountants!

Stagflationary Mark said...

How to Sleep in a Car

If you can sleep in a car, you've gained an enormously valuable life skill.

How to Sue a Restaurant

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Fritz_O said...

All those not-so-hidden cameras in grocery stores are not there to combat shoplifting.

They're there to get video evidence of slip, trips, and falls.

I've often wondered why these cameras are not in restaurants to protect the business. Maybe the rest. biz. figures customers would be put off by the "monitoring" disclaimers required at the entrance.

Stagflationary Mark said...


...put off by the "monitoring" disclaimers required at the entrance...

No Shirt, No Shoes, No Safety Glasses, No Safety Helmet, No Service

High Definition Cameras Installed in Our Bathrooms for Your Protection

All Meals Boiled to Internal Temperature of 212 Degrees

__014__ Days Since Last Slipping, Tripping, and/or Falling Lawsuit

Your Safety Is Important to Us!

Sure, it would cut into business a bit but it might also reduce the need to hire the "best lawyers". Hiring mediocre ones might be good enough! ;)

mab said...


I thought that icream truck looked familiar!

Stagflationary Mark said...


You found the ultimate Ice Cream Van!

Well done! Awesome! :)