Saturday, December 17, 2011

The Sarcasm Report v.143

December 16, 2011
5 Ways to Afford Early Retirement

1.Work a Second Job

Sounds crazy but it might just work.

2. Work a Part-Time Job

Is this compatible with #1? What if someone works a second part-time job? Show the math! I need proof!

3. Early Retirement Distributions

Whew! I was starting to think I was wasting my time by reading this article.

If you have the money to afford early retirement then you can afford early retirement? Genius!

4. Living Low

If less money is spent in retirement then less retirement money is needed? Who would have guessed?

5. Increase Your Retirement Contributions

If more money is saved then the sooner one can retire? Is this compatible with #4? What if one saves more *and* spends less? Sounds confusing.

Is there some place I can turn for even more details?

For more information on how to retire early consult your financial advisor.

I do have a few questions.

1. How can the financial advisor retire early when there is so much awesome free financial advice being generated on the Internet?

2. Has the financial advisor given any thought to doubling fees in lieu of finding a second job? Talk about win win!

3. Other than paying a modest fee each time I ask a question and/or offering him/her a small percentage of my nest egg, what else can I personally do to help the financial advisor retire early?


Mr Slippery said...

Clown horn FTW!

People pay top dollar for that financial advice. Doh!

Stagflationary Mark said...

Mr Slippery,

You were right. The clown horn never gets old for me either.

Hahaha! :)

fried said...

I would like to retire early. I do not wish to have a second job, so I will become a financial advisor.
Here are my thoughts: spend less than you earn, don't buy what you can't afford. And, for the win, use your savings to buy Greek sovereign debt...the interest rate is terrific.
This advise is not free, please send your check to my IP address.
Thank you.

dearieme said...

Learn to spend less before retirement, then you won't miss high-spending ways when you do retire.

That'll be five hundred guineas, if you please sir.

mab said...

Is there some place I can turn for even more details?


Fortunately there is!

From the wiki-link:

In 2008 and 2009, Orman was named to the Times Magazine list of 100 most influential people, the 2010 Forbes Magazine 100 most powerful women in the world, and 18th on the Forbes list of The Most Influential Women In Media.

Ms. Orman has a degree in social services and In an April 2008 online interview with The Young Turks, Orman stated that her net worth is more than ten million USD.

Stagflationary Mark said...


If you become a financial advisor, and convince two friends to become financial advisors, and they each convince two friends, and so on, and so on...

We're going to have a shortage of workers!

Well, at least until Apple releases an iAdvice device anyway.

Stagflationary Mark said...


I can only pay in guinea PIIGS.

Stagflationary Mark said...



It's tough to become one of the most influential people in America. Your advice always has to be spot on or people won't listen.

Stagflationary Mark said...

Oops. Copy and paste error!