Sunday, May 20, 2012

Solutions to All of Our Problems! v.2

Forget what I was saying in my last version of this post. Like a trapped politician looking for easy answers, I was just blowing smoke. This time I really do have a solution.

How do we get fired workers back to work? FIRE them!


Click to enlarge.

The government needs to force banks to get back to the trend line. That's 6 million jobs right there!

Much criticism exists on the internet and in the blogosphere for the shifting of the U.S. economy to a FIRE economy at the expense of a manufacturing and export-based economy. As the consumer of last resort, many believe that the United States has eschewed productive elements of its economy in favor of consumption to its long term detriment.

Oh, please. I'm offering a real solution here. What would the 6 million extra FIRE employees do? I say break them into one million teams of six.

Title: NINJA Loan Officer
Responsibilities: Approves loans. Manages team.

Title: Fogged Mirror Specialist
Responsibilities: Verifies that loan applicant is living.

Title: Income Verification Specialist
Responsibilities: Verifies that loan applicant has no income.

Title: Employment Verification Specialist
Responsibilities: Verifies that loan applicant has no job.

Title: Asset Verification Specialist
Responsibilities: Verifies that loan applicant has no assets.

Title: Loan Payment Processor
Responsibilities: Tracks incoming payments (or lack thereof) and prepares foreclosure documents.

What? You think this can't work? You are so cynical! It's already worked once! Well, sort of.

Source Data:
St. Louis Fed: All Employees: Financial Activities

3 comments:

Stagflationary Mark said...

Do we build new buildings for the one million teams? This could give displaced construction employees something to do. I'm picturing a million semi-permanent huts.

Or...

Do we dispatch the teams to this country's many malls? This would increase foot traffic and lead to more economic activity where we need it most.

I'm torn.

In any event, just think of all the beneficial unintended consequences of my solution!

Sorry. Just more gallows humor. Sigh.

mab said...

It's already worked once!

Exactly! Did we quit when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Heck, no!

I mean, you can't have a reunion tour without first having a farewell tour.

I'll just mention that the FIRE system you're proposing runs best if the FIRE employees are vastly over-paid. It's an emporer has no clothes thing.

Hillarious post!

Stagflationary Mark said...

mab,

Did we quit when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Heck, no!

And did we pop the German Hindenburg bubble? Heck, no! FIRED it!

I'll just mention that the FIRE system you're proposing runs best if the FIRE employees are vastly over-paid.

Woah! We don't want all that FIRE prosperity to "overheat" the economy again. Take it easy there. Let's keep the overpaying reasonable. Limit it to 200x average Chinese factory worker pay?