New Fish Study May Explain Poor Congressional Approval Ratings

August 6, 2015
Fish Could Be Evolving to Evade Capture From Trawlers, Suggests Study

The study by the University of Glasgow has shown that fast-swimming, fitter fish are less likely to be trapped by fishing nets.

If we think of fishing nets as the political system, and we think of fish desperately attempting to avoid being trapped by fishing nets as Americans desperately attempting to avoid being trapped by the political system, and we think of fast-swimming, fitter fish as fast-thinking, smarter Americans, then well, you know. The political system is likely to trap mostly dimwits.

Hey, it's just a theory, based partly on solid fish research and partly on the following anecdotal evidence.

“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” - President George W. Bush, August 5th, 2004

“Outside of the killings, DC has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.” - Former Mayor of Washington, D.C. Marion Barry, March 24th, 1989

“But we have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it, away from the fog of the controversy.” - House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, March 9th, 2010

If this theory has any merit, then we should consider releasing the vast majority of Congress back into the wild and give careful consideration to the process of repopulating it.

Of course, it won't be easy to capture the very best. The fastest-thinking, smartest Americans among us will already have contingency plans in place to avoid any change in political system entrapment. Further, unlike the typical member of our current Congress, they will be extremely quick to adapt. We should therefore not, under any circumstance, "misunderestimate" them. ;)

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