Friday, May 12, 2017

The Sarcasm Report v.277

May 12, 2017
CNBC: JC Penney's stock hits all-time low on widening net loss, weaker sales traffic

These losses I've been experiencing in attempting to pick individual department store winners cannot continue! I've finally learned my lesson. It is time to diversify and turn this sinking ship around.

Does anyone know of a great leveraged department store index fund with a high front-end and back-end load, that also has high periodic management and 12b-1 fees? Nothing but the best for me from here on out. It takes money to make money.

It is very important that it is a great fund. I don't wish to take on too much added risk. I'll be borrowing on my credit card to fund my brokerage account, then I'll be buying that leveraged fund on margin to maximize my returns. You might even predict, if you love Liberty Mutual TV ads as much as I do, that I'll soon be driving around on more than three wheels. Smart.

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Rob Dawg said...

What Sears Holdings LEAPS aren't good enough for your exotic tastes?

Rob Dawg said...

Oh and thanks for raising the average IQ of the twitterverse.

Stagflationary Mark said...

I had a bad experience joining the LEAPS of the Day Club. Every day they take random money out of my bank account to buy LEAPS on my behalf, but I'd never get any written confirmation of what they actually bought. That reminds me. I need to keep trying to cancel the service. Last time I ever take the advice of a telemarketer with poor grammar!!

Stagflationary Mark said...

As for raising the IQ of the twitterverse, I cannot take the credit. It was the dog's idea. ;)

Rob Dawg said...

Ahem. Sears LEAPS?

Stagflationary Mark said...

Rob Dawg,

SHLD was down 12% today? I think I've seen this "LEAP" before.