Wednesday, May 24, 2017

The Sarcasm Report v.279

May 24, 2017
New iPhone 8 pictures mean our worst nightmare might be happening

If this new series of leaks is correct, Apple could be about to make a huge mistake. The biggest outstanding question about the iPhone 8’s design is whether it will have a Touch ID sensor on the rear, or build a fingerprint scanner into the screen itself.

I haven't experienced a worst nightmare this bad since I dreamed of spilling my Starbucks pumpkin spice latte into my Coach explorer bag in sport calf leather.

First world nightmares, baby. I got 'em bad!


Rob Dawg said...

Needs a charging and data port unique to the each model.

Maybe a notch in the opposite corners as a nod to Battkestar Galactica.

Comes with two, count then two fixed countdown clocks. One for the price reduction to spur sales. The second for model obsolescence that ticks off not only seconds but dollars.

Touch scream alerts for when CNet publishes scathing reviews and follows up with a new Andriod model that outperforms for half the price.

Ear buds come in jam in and already pierced options.

Free tshirt to inform thieves that they need not bother.

Come on. This is good stuff. I should start a blog.

Rob Dawg said...

Kitteh lined capacitive gloves for cold weather conditions.

IPenis vibrates when porn is downloaded.

IClit when platinum card or above is swiped.

Wireless recharge in any First Class cabin.

Stagflationary Mark said...


mab said...

Judging by my kids we're nearing peak iPhone. Each new iPhone release is greeted with less and less anticipation.

Some day, maybe soon, a new iPhone release will get iPoned.

I still make due with a dumb phone so what do I know.

Stagflationary Mark said...

The feature I would actually love from Apple is iEasyBatteryReplace.

I don't own this phone. It's leased by my girlfriend's mom's employer as a perk to the extended family.

I'm kind of addicted to it though. I like the timers, reminders, shopping lists, and GPS. None of that changed from the iPhone 6 to iPhone 7 though. I have no desire to upgrade to the iPhone 8.

P.S. I still make due with a '96 Camry and the phone replaced my desktop computer, so what do I know. ;)

Mr Slippery said...

Smart phones are now the most personal of computers that everyone carries. I use it for more general tasks than my desktop or chromebook, but they serve different purposes. I can't develop software on my phone.

Stagflationary Mark said...

I can't develop software anywhere any longer. Got a really bad case of deskjobitis and corporatefrauderpes and it permanently damaged my spirit. ;)

Rob Dawg said...

I doubt I could cut n paste a donate button in an html page anymore.

That's okay, the landscape has changed. I have a tax program. Buy the new year DVD at Costco every January. Here's what I did this year. I bought a dedicated tax laptop. Hyundai Win10 2Gb RAM/32gb eMMS. Bought an additional 32Gb chip as a drive D: back up. $170 all in. Beats all to heck making a secure VM or encrypted folder or whatever. Weighs about a kilo and goes into the firebox safe 50 weeks of the year.

Stagflationary Mark said...

I've been using a tax preparer since I hit paydirt on the investment that retired me.

Sometimes, I think about doing my own taxes again. Then the IRS sends me another thick letter that freaks me out and I stop thinking about it!

TJandTheBear said...

That investment must've been riskier than TIPS to get you there. ;-)

Tell River her twitter feed continues to be a must-see!

Stagflationary Mark said...

I'm glad you like River's twitter feed!

We've only had River for several weeks, but I am VERY bonded to her now. She's my sweet little pumpkin spice. I don't really know why I call her that, but I can't seem to stop. Not that I'm even trying! :)