The Sarcasm Report v.5

Let me be the first to point out why this isn't nearly as scary as it looks. You can't let the market fluster you. Relax. Take a deep breath and think about your long term goals. I can easily come up with 10 reasons right off the top of my head. There is nothing to fear.

1. This is just in billions of dollars. That last chart was in trillions. See? As a percentage, it is no big deal at all. It is just pocket change.
2. If real estate investors borrow another three trillion dollars, this delinquency problem will only look half as bad. See how the math works?
3. Don't dwell on the spike on the right side of the chart and then compare it to the spike on the left side of the chart. That rookie mistake is like comparing apples to oranges. The spike on the left side was during our last consumer recession. We don't get those anymore.
4. No, seriously. We've been recession-proofed thanks to the able hands in the White House and the Fed. That's common knowledge. Ask around. You'll see.
5. Let's not forget inflation. That spike on the left is actually a lot bigger if you adjust for it. Whew! Just between you and me, I didn't really believe all those things I said in the first four points but I was getting a bit panicky. I tend to rationalize when I get that way. I'm much more relaxed now.
6. What do you mean that spike on the right isn't peaking? Of course it is!! It is at the very highest point in the chart! Right? Well, that's a peak and there's no way you can say otherwise. Good grief!!!! What are you trying to do? Give me a heart attack?!! I take back an earlier comment. Those first four points are completely valid!! More so now than ever!!
7. Look, just read David Lereah's opinions on the matter! He was the former Chief Economist over at the NAR! In August of 2005 he said, "If you paid your mortgage off, it means you probably did not manage your funds efficiently over the years."
8. He followed that up just three months later with, "We're going to drop significantly, but it's not a balloon bursting."
9. Why the @#$% are you dwelling on the part before the comma. There IS NO bubble!!! He said so right after the comma! How did you miss that part?
10. I'm begging you people to borrow three more trillion dollars before it is too late!! This is ABSOLUTELY the last chance you'll get to buy real estate and save our banking system!!! What's it going to take to get you in a home today? SERIOUSLY! What do you want your monthly payments to be? I'll even waive the underfoundation rustproofing charge and slap 100 cubic feet of natural gas in the pipeline for you! Face it, you NEED a house!!! We've got literally thousands of them on the lot to choose from!! There has never been a better time to buy!