Stimulus Package Proposal #2 (Heavier Sarcasm)

It was brought to my attention by OriginalFrank that my first stimulus package proposal was unable to top the "real life" satire of the current plan. Upon further reflection, I have to agree.

I am therefore making another attempt. Call me stubborn.

Illusion of Prosperity's Proposed Weimar Germany Style Stimulus Package

1. Each American will receive a lump sum payment of $1,000,000. This will cost roughly $300 trillion.

2. The money won't be borrowed. We'll simply print extra.

3. The money will use collector's edition technology. There will be fifty versions of twenty dollar bills distributed. Each American will therefore receive one thousand twenty dollar bills for each state.

Here are some frequently asked questions about my plan.

Q: Why a million dollars?
A: It will allow most Americans to retire early. The employment picture will improve dramatically.

Q: Why will the money be printed instead of borrowed?
A: We've already borrowed too much from our grandchildren. It is time to ease their burden.

Q: How long will it be before we need another stimulus package?
A: Using simple back of envelope calculations, one million dollars should easily last each person a good 25 years ($40,000 per year).

Q: What about inflation?
A: This is a simple plan. Inflation is a complex issue. Critics have stated that prices may go up once this money enters circulation. That's why the money will be using collector's edition technology. If people bury the money instead of spending all of it, then prices won't rise as fast as one might expect.

Q: What about exponential economic growth?
A: All American babies will each receive one million dollars. Do the math.

Q: Has something like this been done before?
A: We send money to China every single day on the hopes that they'll never spend it. It's time to start investing in America again, and in a much bigger way.