Sunday, October 16, 2016

How to Shop My Way at Sears

October 11, 2016
New Sears Member Bonus Event to Feature First-Ever Shop Your Way Holiday Guarantee

How to shop the Member Bonus Event and qualify for the Holiday Guarantee:

Shop in-store at Sears on Sunday, Oct. 16 from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m., when prices will reflect those for the upcoming Sears Days Lowest Prices of the Season sale (which officially starts Oct. 20)

Shopping my way starts with me patiently waiting 5 days for the 3-hour event to start. Oh, the anticipation!

No further action is required by the member – if any items purchased at the event go lower at the same store for a lower price through Christmas Eve (including Black Friday), members will receive the difference back in points automatically credited to their account on 1/16/17 – up to $100 in points per member

Shopping my way involves guessing which Sears store won't close before Christmas Eve. This is a key point. If Eddie Lampert closes the store I pick right after I make the purchase, then the prices may not go lower at that same store. The liquidation sale might not happen until 2017!

Today is the big day. I have chosen the closest store to me and will be crossing my fingers that it will remain open for the rest of the year. Shopping my way means that I can't go right now though. I must wait until at least 6pm and get out of there by 9pm. So what do I do in the meantime?

The Seahawks are playing from 1pm to 4pm. Perfect! Oh, wait. There's also Sunday Night Football! Hmmm. That could wrap up by 8:30pm. So what does this mean? Well, it won't be pretty.

If I push the limits of our society's many traffic laws just a tad, I can make it to Sears in 20 minutes in light traffic. That will give me a full 10 minutes to do all my Christmas shopping. Craftsman tools for everyone on my list! To save time, I'll just sweep them randomly into my basket. Although many, if not most or all, of the tools are now made in China and are of lower quality, I still really trust the Craftsman brand. Always have, always will. One thing that I really appreciate is the lifetime warranty. 100% guaranteed for as long as Eddie Lampert can keep the struggling chain afloat!

October 14, 2016
This Sears Employee Just Landed the Worst Job in Corporate America

But to call it a promotion for Hollar is quite the stretch. Try more like a death sentence and potential blemish on the resume given the unique challenges he will have to endure from day one as Sears' top numbers cruncher.

That's funny. I would have thought the worst job in Corporate America would be the guy trying to ring up all of our Craftsman purchases in time today! I'm fairly easy-going about it, but some customers might turn a bit rude at 9:01pm! Then again, the CFO job does seem stressful too. One can only hope that he's generously compensated for crunching all those numbers.

Shopping my way with ample sarcasm, baby. That's what I'm talking about.


mab said...

One can only hope that he's generously compensated for crunching all those numbers.

In move that's sure to be a classic study in crisis management at all top business schools for decades to come, the Sears board started awarding SHLD puts to management years ago. Morale has never been higher!

Stagflationary Mark said...



mab said...

Morale has never been higher!

I should add that morality has never been higher too! It's all about aligning management and bag-holder interests!

No worries. They all get mulligans.

Stagflationary Mark said...


Sometimes seers must alter their forward guidance. Sometimes bag-holders must be altared. Diehard? Hardly.

It's all just a matter of rites and wrongs. You know, the rich you all sacrifice for Corporate America. Nothing says prosperity like "rich you all" sacrifice.

Witch craftsman tools work best? Yes, indeed. Summon some today. They'll let you rest a spell, since the Chinese labor to make them now instead of us.

P.S. Witch doctor of economics? Siegel! ;)

mab said...

Maybe Eddie Lampert should practice Santeria

Stagflationary Mark said...


Practice makes prefect!