National Be Nice to Your Boss Month (satire)

RENTON(SM)-- September has officially been declared National Be Nice to Your Boss month. President Bush and Fed Chairman Bernanke announced the news from the safety of Camp David, which sources say was purchased in 1938 during the aftermath of the Great Depression. Meanwhile, Dick Cheney was whisked away to an unknown location in the name of national security.

"September has always held a special place in my heart," President Bush said while offering freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and small Dixie cups containing what appeared to be Raspberry Reaction flavored Kool-Aid. I found the cookies and drink quite delicious personally and I was not alone. A reporter near me admired the nearly perfect distribution of the chocolate chips. As we took in the comforting nourishment the president provided he continued his speech. "Americans, now is not the time to panic, but..." The crowd broke into laughter at the very thought. Panic? What panic? We're at the height of prosperity and are living in greatest story never told. "...now would be a good time to be nice to your boss," he went on to say. Ben Bernanke then took the podium and discussed the stark similarities and lack of sharp contrasts between today's economy and the era that he spent much of his adult life studying.

What can it mean for our country? Some have predicted a new war against the evil doers will appear. Others believe that the next war, if there is one, will be fought closer to home (Poor People are Sharks).

What can it mean for our economy? Ben Bernanke spoke for nearly two hours. He talked almost exclusively of the Great Depression, which was quite odd to most since we're living in the age of excess wealth while simultaneously reaching a new permanent plateau of economic prosperity. About two-thirds of the way through his speech, he brought out an old shoebox that contained black and white photos of farmland. It seemed completely out of context compared to the cookies, and was in fact quite puzzling. Behind him stood nearly thirty CH-47F military cargo helicopters, all being loaded with what he described as Be Nice to Your Boss Federal Care Packages. We were not told the details but he did say that "things" would soon literally be falling from the sky in honor of this special month. One can only assume that the packages are filled with cookies and Kool-Aid. We truly are experiencing the most prosperous time in the history of the United States if the government can afford such treats for everyone.

Top analysts and economists are already hard at work parsing each word in the two speeches looking for clues as to what this might mean. By some accounts, it will take years before we have the details clear enough to know how to invest our money.

The bloggers are once again up to their old tricks. Here's the opinion of one such writer (working under an assumed name no less), "Now might not be the best time to tick off your boss. Layoffs might be coming. At the very least you should not tick off your boss more than your coworkers." What are you going to do? Submit to unfounded fears and conspiracies during such a momentous day? I think not! The economy, to put it bluntly, has never been stronger.