Stimulus Package Proposal (Heavy Sarcasm)

I have been running this blog for over a year and I've yet to offer one serious solution to any of our problems. I'm just not much of a risk taker and I felt that it was riskier to bet on the solutions than it was to bet on the problems (especially with SO many problems to choose from).

It's sort of like what Warren Buffett once said about the auto industry in its early days. The bet wasn't which car maker would survive. That was a risky bet. The safer bet was simply to short horses.

Things changed today though. I feel that I can finally offer a stimulus package idea. I'm not claiming that it is a great stimulus package, or even a good one. I am simply claiming that it is a better one.

Summers Warns Deflation Is ‘Real Risk’ for Economy (Update1)

White House economics director Lawrence Summers urged swift passage of a stimulus bill and pledged further taxpayer funds for major banks, warning that the economy is in danger of sustained declines in consumer prices.

The solution is SO obvious I'm surprised nobody else has thought it up. I can do it for just $450 billion. That's less than at least some of the other proposals. Further, my plan is simple and transparent. It will provide 5 million jobs instantly and also provide immediate relief from deflationary pressures. It also has a mechanism in place to eventually pay for itself. I offer you the full details below.

Illusion of Prosperity's Proposed Shock and Awe Stimulus Package

1. Provide 5 million workers with jobs for six months. Each worker will receive $20,000 cash (that's $40,000 annualized) and will work directly for our government. The actual job assignment for each worker is estimated to be far shorter than six months (see below), but they will be paid for the entire period anyway. Any remaining time can be allocated to vacation time should a worker so desire it. As the money goes directly to the workers, there will be no Wall Street middle man taking a cut. This will cost $100 billion.

2. Each of the 5 million workers will be provided with $20,000 in discretionary spending cash as an additional lump sum payment. This will cost an additional $100 billion.

3. Each of the 5 million workers will be provided with coupons worth $40,000 towards the purchase of random goods and services (chosen using a lottery system). Canned goods, ammunition, gasoline, and toilet paper coupons will not be provided. It is estimated that the general public will more than pick up the slack. This will cost $200 billion.

4. Each worker will be released into the general population at random locations nationwide precisely at midnight on March 1, 2009. They have but one goal, and that is to buy goods and services before their counterparts do. A sign will be installed in outer space prior to this event that will be visible by all Americans. It will show a countdown timer to properly motivate the public on the importance of shopping before these workers are released. Once the event occurs, the sign will provide additional real-time information showing where goods and services may still be available. This sign and the technology to control it are estimated to cost $50 billion.

5. On April 1, 2009 (April Fool's Day) all coupons issued will expire. This will prevent the hoarding of stimulus coupons.

6. On the first of every month, starting on April 1, 2009, a 25% permanent sales tax will be imposed on three random goods and services (chosen using a lottery system). This should further inspire consumers to shop early and often. The proceeds of the tax will be used to eventually pay off this stimulus package over time.

I must say, I am very proud of this plan. It will do MUCH more than just stimulate. I'm quite confident of that!

The real beauty of the plan, at least in my opinion anyway, is that even if it only partially works, then there's nothing to stop us from doing it again (and again, and again, and so on). But then again, I guess that's the real beauty of all of these stimulus plans, isn't it?

Special thanks to mab for offering the link and the relevant quote.