Thursday, November 3, 2016

The Sarcasm Report v.264

November 2, 2016
My Cat Is Sick, Expensive, and Keeping Me in Debt. Is It Time to … You Know?

Here’s the major issue: I have an elderly cat whom I love very, very much. She’s quite happy, but her medical care for a number of chronic illnesses runs about $600 to $700 a month for specialized food, prescription medicines, quarterly vet visits, and other needs. This is quite a burden. And if it wasn’t for this expense, which has been going on for four years now, I could—at least mathematically—not only be out of debt but have a cool $10,000 in savings.

You and your husband earn a combined $160,000 per year (a mere three times the median household income). Your gross income is only $13,333 per month. At $650 per month, your cat's current expenses add up to 5% of your combined gross income. Oh, yes. It is definitely your beloved cat that is keeping you in debt. Shame on her!

You have my permission to kill your happy cat that you love very, very much. Once that burden is removed, think how much happier you all will be. And remember, you are never obliged to pay for those you love, no matter how much they might depend on you or how much you might love them. It's all purely discretionary. Further, she is not actually your child. You did not give birth to her! You aren't even the stepmother. You should have opted for the "cool $10,000 in savings" years ago! Think how many younger and cuter kittens you could have had with that!

But pets are not children. We may refer to ourselves as pet mommies, but we aren’t obliged to pay for their medical care. While being an animal-lover feels necessary to you and me, it is all but the definition of discretionary spending.

See? I am not alone in my thinking. We animal-lovers need to stick together.

In all seriousness, our pets are our kids. We do feel obliged to pay for their medical care. If you cannot afford to pay 5% of your annual gross income to keep beloved happy pets alive in their elderly years, then perhaps you should not have pets in the first place.

Live and let live.

Seriously, if you really love your cat and your cat is indeed happy, then let her live.


Anonymous said...

I do have to laugh at their income here. We adopted two kittens from a neighbor that does rescue. I wish my income was as high.

The kittens came from a cat colony. Yes Mark apparently in WA we have a cat colony. Who knew.

Unknown said...

Let's see.... she could sell plasma, pick up a second (hopefully legal) job, or find a better paying job (or at least find an employer that matches her 401K contributions)

Can you imagine being her husband? Obviously, what's good for the cat is good for the gander! Honey, when I got home the cat was dead (hides pillow)... Just kidding on that last one.

Unknown said...

P.S. Life would be so much better without that darn cat! Every cat should pull it's weight. That's my motto. Now about my husband....

Unknown said...

Seriously, where is Suze Orman when you need her?

End rant.

Stagflationary Mark said...


Two cats? You'd need to be making $320,000 per year! And even then, the cats will be a huge burden for you when they get older!! Have you factored in the cost of feline college?!! Training cats to fetch is neither easy nor cheap!!! ;)

Stagflationary Mark said...


That Darn Cat! ;)