Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Sarcasm Report v.157

April 25, 2012
How Should I Safely Diversify to Beat Inflation?

As you can imagine, I could not wait to hear the advice of a real life Ph.D., CFA, CFP! I immediately grabbed my checkbook as the excitement welled up within me.

1. He shot down federally insured bank accounts claiming that they won't do much to protect against inflation. Makes sense.
2. He shot down TIPS due to their negative real yields. As a holder of TIPS, I have no choice but agree with the math. It stinks.
3. He offered I-Bonds as a choice. Not sure how they can safely beat inflation with a 0.0% real rate and with the added pain of paying tax on any inflationary gains. But hey, it is the best choice so far. I'll give him that. Unfortunately, he got the $5,000 limit wrong. It's now $10,000. A glimmer of anti-hope (cynicism) formed in my brain.

So guess what was offered as an alternative?

Nothing. The article just sort of ended. It was at this point that I put down my checkbook and sighed in despair. The question of where to "safely" beat inflation will apparently continue to remain a mystery for both myself and the 79 year old reader looking to protect his principal. Or will it?

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth. - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

The only way to safely beat inflation is to do absolutely nothing? In that case, I'm cashing out everything and investing in nothing. Paper dollars, shovels, and backyards for the win! Sherlock Holmes! You are a genius!

This concludes today's sarcasm report.

5 comments:

Troy said...

My way of beating inflation is slacking off for 40 years so I'll be able to work in top form in my 60s and 70s.

Troy said...

wait, you already said that:

"The only way to safely beat inflation is to do absolutely nothing?"

Anonymous said...

All you can do is laugh...

Stagflationary Mark said...

Troy & Anonymous,

My way of beating inflation is slacking off for 40 years so I'll be able to work in top form in my 60s and 70s.

That's just crazy enough to work!

And when I say work, I mean doing what my unemployed girlfriend is doing right now.

She started a new temporary part-time job well over a month ago. Well, sort of.

Each day she tries to go in to work they say that something has come up and they postpone the start day.

I believe it has happened about 15 times so far, and I really don't think I am exaggerating.

The best excuse so far (there have been SO many) was that a full month after agreeing to hire her they figured out that they needed to do a criminal background check.

So, yeah. I'll you can do is laugh.

Stagflationary Mark said...

I'll you can do is laugh? Where the heck did that come from? I'm blaming my pet bird! ;)