Why You Shouldn't Listen to Leading Power Hungry Psychologists

November 13, 2013
Why You Shouldn't Say 'You're Welcome'

But according to one leading psychologist, this isn't the best choice of words. After four decades of studying persuasion, Influence author Robert Cialdini has come to see "you're welcome" as a missed opportunity. "There is a moment of power that we are all afforded as soon as someone has said 'thank you,'" Cialdini explains. To capitalize on this power, he recommends an unconventional reply:

"I know you'd do the same for me."

Here's a crazy thought. Maybe I don't want to capitalize on this power that we are all afforded. Maybe I'm just thankful that I was thanked. Maybe I'm not looking to pressure this thankful person into thinking they now owe me or someone else. Maybe being thankful for being thanked is its own reward.

Perhaps a power example would be helpful.

Congressman A thanks Congressman B for voting yes on the Congressman A's new bill this coming afternoon. He does this with a smile and a "friendly" pat on the back.

Congressman B, not wanting to miss a power opportunity, says, "I know you'd do the same for me." He then applies all of his might to one of the strongest and "friendliest" handshakes to ever grace the halls of Congress.

A photographer, amazed by the bipartisan display of solidarity in an otherwise polarized society, is there to capture this "friendly" moment. As both congressmen walk away, both can nearly be heard muttering the term "a%^hole" under their breaths.

Power and friendships, baby. That's what I'm talking about. Get you some.