Wednesday, June 3, 2015

The #1 First World Problem


I'm basing it on how often we're told that boredom is a serious problem. Of course, your opinion may vary.

June 2, 2015
5 ways to improve your retirement savings

And do you really think you can sit in that easy chair and watch movies for 30 years? Even those who thought they would love to play golf every day for the rest of their lives are in for a rude awakening. Most get bored within six months.

Don't let it happen to you! The horror of early retirement ranks right up there with being a Holocaust survivor. I think we can all agree on that. Some paths we go down cannot be undone, just like some things we see cannot be unseen.

Need proof? The year was 1982. I saw Megaforce in its entirety. So yeah, I know all about the horrors of the first world life. I've seen things that no third worlder should ever see. It is my curse and I have learned to live with it as best I can, night terrors notwithstanding.

There clearly is no cure for boredom. Once you catch the disease, all hope is lost. Sure, we can try to mask the symptoms by bombing the heck out of third world countries as we look for weapons of mass destruction that may or may not exist. Shock and awe certainly helps keep us all on the edges of our easy chairs. But alas, even that can't keep our attention forever. The boredom disease eventually manifests itself yet again.

If only the world could understand our pain. The great mystery of our era truly must be the lack of boredom research by major pharmaceutical companies. None seem to be making this a priority, in spite of the vast profits they could achieve if their research paid off. Why are there no pills we can take that will instantly amuse us? Would not an amused consumer be the perfect solution to many of our other first world problems?

Why is this not a basic right of all first world Americans? We should be entitled to amusement and stimulation at all times! Boredom must be eradicated by any means necessary! The long-term alternative is just too horrifying to contemplate!

1 comment:

Stagflationary Mark said...

Megaforce Trivia

Matt Stone and 'Trey Parker' are admitted fans of this movie and used it as the basis for "Team America: World Police".

I have to hand it to them for watching a cheap lemon and turning it into priceless lemonade! ;)

America! F%^k yeah!