The Sarcasm Report v.147

January 1, 2012
Euro Leaders Aim to Buy Time to Save Currency

Knowledge = Power
Time = Money
Power = Work / Time

Since we know this to be true, we can therefore derive a few more formulas from it.

Currency = Money = Time

That's pretty much self evident. Now let us substitute knowledge for power.

Knowledge = Work / Time

This implies that if you work overtime then you and/or your boss will gain knowledge and/or power. Makes sense. Now let us substitute currency for time.

Knowledge = Work / Currency

Now let us rearrange the formula and solve for currency.

Currency = Work / Knowledge

Yes! This makes perfect sense. You can get rich if you either work harder or have less knowledge.

And finally, let us use what we've learned to adjust the first article's headline and make sense of it.

Euro leaders are buying currency to save work (over knowledge).

Who would doubt that? It's crystal clear. That's what the math shows!

What a joke this has become.

Update:

From the article:

“It is vital that eurozone policymakers get a real grip on matters quickly.”

I understand the theory here, but surely a fake grip on matters drawn out over many months would be good enough as long as nobody spills the bea... Um, oops.

Real grip! Of course! In no way am I attempting to imply a sarcastic unjustified eye roll here.