The No @#$% Sherlock Report v.004

September 16, 2015
Time for a hike? World’s central bankers speak out

Elvira Nabiullina, Central Bank of Russia Governor:

"There are two scenarios possible that raising interest rates will have, bearing in mind that market players are expecting this particular event and in many ways have priced it into the valuation of their assets. And in this (first) case there are not going to be any dramatic changes in the market environment," she told CNBC.

"But the second probability is also possible – that markets may respond in a very nervous way and then generally speaking, increase global turbulence that may affect the Russian economy as well."

Scenario Summary:

1. No drama.
2. Drama.

This controversial summary is both approved by Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin and backed by modern mathematical set theory. I therefore have no choice but to trust its conclusion with a high degree of confidence.

There may or may not be drama. Like Elvira Nabiullina, I'd literally be willing to stake my life on it.

The No @#$% Sherlock Report v.003

August 26, 2015
Despite stock fall, financial health of many is still solid

Add it up, and the evidence suggests that many Americans — though certainly not all — are doing comparatively well.

Many? Was "most" too strong a word? Why? Couldn't we make it to at least half? Is that how f%^ked up our country really is?

If I was throwing a party at our house for the top 1% and even 1/10000th of them showed up, do you know what I would say?

1. OMG! There are way too many of you! I don't have enough chairs!!
2. Isn't it great to live in a country where so many of you are doing comparatively awesome? Thanks so much for taking the time out of your busy schedules to attend! There are burgers on the BBQ and the refreshments are in the cooler. Enjoy!
3. For those interested, we'll be showing a movie about the declining middle class on the TV in the family room. Or, alternatively, you can play with our dogs in the backyard. Wow! You all want to play with our dogs? I didn't expect so many of you to be pet lovers! Fantastic!!

The No @#$% Sherlock Report v.002

August 18, 2015
Cramer Remix: Wrong way to play a big market trend

In Cramer's experience he has seen that whenever the expectations get too high going into a company's quarter, the odds are that the stock will get slammed when the results are released.

In my experience, what is the most reliable way to know if expectations are too high going into a company's quarter? The stock gets slammed when the results are released. I therefore tend to agree with Cramer on this.

This theory has enormous implications and is therefore definitely worth exploring further.

If the stock trades mostly flat when the results are released, then the expectations were probably just about right. It's just an opinion though. I'd be curious to know if Cramer would agree.

And lastly, if the stock trades significantly higher when the results are released, then the expectations were probably way too low. Once again, it's just an opinion. I'm trying to make sense of this difficult concept as best I can.

Granted, I am not a financial expert with my own TV show. I don't have sound effects buttons I can push every time I think up something amusing to say. I don't have a degree in finance or economics. It's just a few things I have picked up on the street. Take it with a grain of salt. This is not investment advice.

Yay! The second No @#$% Sherlock Report has been successfully posted! I was beginning to think it was just a one hit wonder. Thanks Cramer! :)

The No @#$% Sherlock Report v.001

Welcome to the first edition of the No @#$% Sherlock Report!

July 9, 2015
IMF lowers global growth forecasts, cites U.S. weakness

The IMF said the market crash suggests China could face difficulties as it tries to move from an investment-led economic growth model to one focused on domestic consumption.

What? China's lowly compensated factory workers could have a difficult time transitioning to domestic consumers without the help of an endlessly parabolically growing stock market? Well, knock me over and stick a feather up my bottom. That's sure news to me!