The Sarcasm Report v.205

February 7, 2015
Stock Market Video Analysis 2/7/15

If you are an investor this action has been confusing and frustrating.

As a long-term investor, the first 25 trading days of 2015 weren't just confusing and frustrating, they were also frightening and suicidal. I am fortunate to have survived them. They rank right up there with the Great Depression and Great Recession. Why are we not hearing more about the unprecedented wave of stock brokers flinging themselves from skyscrapers just to end the insanity? It shall remain a mystery for now.

The volatility we have experienced this year make the case for why you need to be trading with at least a portion of your portfolio...

This is definitely something I need to do. Unfortunately, there are other things I need to do first. There's the upcoming time share event where I am guaranteed to win a prize just for attending. There's the trip to Vegas to improve my cash flow using a can't lose gambling strategy fine tuned for the roulette tables. There's that seminar at a local airport hotel which will teach me the inner workings of the can't lose real estate industry. I also need to respond to a Nigerian Prince who, in exchange for my help, will be compensating me generously. And lastly, I have a really good feeling about today's upcoming lottery ticket purchase. My psychic advisor says that I can expect to win big at some point if I just keep at it.

...learn how to trade correctly,...

Very few people realize that if you trade and lose, then you are not trading correctly. This is an important thing to consider before participating in any form of legalized gambling. You need a system that can't lose, perhaps one which analyzes squigly lines on a chart to accurately predict the future.

...take a trial to Alphatrends and receive detailed stock trading ideas every day.

Take a trial? Hold on buddy. Nobody said anything about litigation. I'm just trying to make free money off your advice without having to work or compensate you in any way. If there is some sort of potential criminal activity on my part for gaming the sure thing system, then count me out.

That said, daily stock market ideas are enticing. If there's one thing the Internet lacks, it is an endless supply of daily opinions about the stock market. I do what I can to fill the void but it would be very helpful if more people would share their opinions as well. After spending the vast majority of my days reading the comments of financial message boards, it would be refreshing indeed to have more ideas sent directly to me. You have no idea how much I would be willing to pay for that! It's a totally untapped market filled with exciting new opportunities!