The Perfect Stock for My Portfolio

April 7, 2016
4 Growth Stocks to Buy Near Their 52-Week Lows

Discovery Laboratories Inc. DSCO is a development-stage pharmaceutical company that focuses on developing compounds to treat respiratory diseases. The loss estimate of the company for the current year has narrowed by 50.3% on the back of a positive estimate revision, in the last 30 days. This signals healthy recovery going ahead. The stock carries a Zacks Rank #2 and a growth score of B. The stock currently trades at 1.7% of its 52-week high minus low range.

They left out the best part.

According to Yahoo Finance, adjusted for dividends and splits, the stock trades at just 0.024% of its first closing price on August 7, 1995. Rarely will you find such an impressive entry point for a growth stock that's been around for more than 20 years.

Oops. I did not mean to imply that was the best part. No, sir. The best part was when I searched for "Discovery Laboratories"  in Google to find out more about the company. You'll never guess what I found. Just below the link to their website, Google offers a bit of additional information.

This site may be hacked.

I clicked on Google's warning link to find out more.

You'll see the message "This site may be hacked" when we believe a hacker might have changed some of the existing pages on the site or added new spam pages. If you visit the site, you could be redirected to spam or malware.

The message was there yesterday and it is still there today. This is exactly what I am looking for in an investment. It inspires such confidence! Pick up some malware, invest in a $2.50 stock that's had more reverse splits than a gymnast overdosing on cocaine, then sit back and watch the profits roll in. What could possibly go wrong? Hahaha! Genius!

This may prove to be a fantastic investment for extreme risk takers, but this cautious retiree will opt out. No big shocker there, of course. Go figure.

First World Problem of the Day

April 8, 2016
Calculated Risk: WSJ: "Housing Bust Lingers for Generation X"

A decade ago I was arguing one of the tragedies of the housing bubble was that many first time buyers would sour on homeownership for a long time, if not forever. Unfortunately that has happened.

One of the tragedies? Really?

I shall openly ponder my personal "tragedy" for the amusement of others.

The year was 1989. I rented a small cheap apartment. I had to carry my laundry to another building and use coins to power the machines. Woe is me. Right? Not so fast. I loved living there. They had a pool which I used daily in the summer. Bliss!!

The year was 1991. I rented an even smaller apartment. I mean, it was tiny. And cheap! My heating bills were next to nothing. I paid no property taxes, at least directly. I could do my own laundry inside the unit (no coins required). Woe is me? Hardly. This place had an indoor basketball court, multiple pools (one indoor that I used year round), and plenty of workout equipment. Loved it!!

The year was 1995. While still driving a cheap Hyundai, I opted to live in downtown Seattle in a small apartment. It was a bit more expensive, but had a view of the waterfront. The best part was that I found myself walking around that waterfront every single day. Just took the elevator down a few floors, and tada, there it was! It's almost impossible to have a bad day with that much salt air filling one's lungs.

The year is 2016. I live in a house that I "first" bought in 1997, at the age of 33. There are currently two big holes in the backyard. I used a shovel. I'm planning to replace two septic tank lids. Just need to get properly motivated. Yay. Oh, joyous day when that task is done, lol. Sigh.

I'm not even going to bring up the roof replacement, the upcoming window replacements, the kitchen remodeling I'm pretty much forced to do since the built-in microwave no longer works and the built-in stove on the countertop only has one working burner left. I won't mention the endless mowing or the weed pulling. I won't bring up the heating costs or the property taxes. Under no circumstances will I ever mention hypothetical rats that may or may not have existed in the crawlspace. No, sir. Not going there.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy owning a house on most days. It would not be a tragedy if I went back to renting though. Not even close. In fact, if you can't be happy renting, then you simply can't be happy. Owning stuff is definitely not the path to paradise, and if you think it is then you will be sadly disappointed. That's especially true when it comes to housing. Ownership? Can you truly own a house if it has a mortgage? Or is it the bank that owns it? And even if it is paid off, you are still kind of renting it (in the form of property taxes).

Tragedy, my @$$. If you want a real tragedy, consider the plight of Syrian refugees. I can't even imagine what that must be like.

All's Not Well with Wells Fargo's Depositors

April 7, 2016
Warren Buffett's Biggest Dividend Stock Is on Sale

Importantly, Wells Fargo paid a minuscule interest rate of 0.08% on its deposits during the fourth quarter of 2015, and its total funding cost including all sources was just 0.25% in 2015.

Psst... Wells Fargo depositors. As a group, you are getting *%^# #%^*ed by your bank, pardon my language.

The government will sell you an I-Bond right now that yields 0.1% AND grows with inflation (as seen in the consumer price index) for up to 30 years. You can buy it online from the comfort of your couch.

Speaking of couch banking, my online savings account at Capital One currently yields 0.75%. It's trivial to transfer money in and out of it using my phone.

If you don't wish to be *%^# #%^*ed, then you might want to look into these options.

That said, I must apologize to Wells Fargo investors. I'm really not trying to *%^# #%^* you. Um, much. ;)

Quote of the Day

April 7, 2016
Billionaire casino king: 'Nobody likes being around poor people'

"Rich people only like being around rich people," he said. "Nobody likes being around poor people, especially poor people."

Each day I try to think up at least one thing I am thankful for. It is so easy today!

I am truly thankful that billionaire casino kings and their rich person entourages do not frequent the hiking trails I enjoy most! Woohoo!

It's 84 degrees here in the Seattle area right now! In April! The sun is out! Not one billionaire casino king in sight! Woohoo!

I took a wonderful walk around my neighborhood. Didn't spot even one billionaire casino king! Hurray!

I'll be taking a hike down to the river by my house shortly. It is very unlikely that there will be any billionaire casino kings on the trail! Glorious day!

What an absolutely fantastic day to be alive! Um, like best ever! Hahaha!

Seriously. :)

The Sarcasm Report v.250

April 6, 2016
Labor Department rule sets new standards for retirement advice

Some companies facing higher administrative costs may feel pressure to drop clients with low account balances, say below $50,000, which may no longer be as profitable with fewer commissions.

What? The tapeworm cannot thrive if it cannot continue to draw the necessary nutrients from its host!



Okay, I admit it. Bad analogy. The tapeworm thing is spot-on but the video is way over the top. It's actually going to make me cry, again. Apologies for sending the sarcasm to the darkest place. I have absolutely ruined a perfectly good joke.

Magic Trick: How to Make the 1% Disappear!

People are always asking me how we can eliminate the 1%. I've never really had a good answer until now.

April 6, 2016
TheStreet: Why Costco's Migration from Amex to Visa Is a Big Blow to Wal-Mart

They will receive 4% cash back for up to $7,000 in gas purchases, 3% cash back on travel purchases and restaurants even outside the U.S., and 2% cash back on all other purchases, leading to significant savings.

See that 2% cash back on all other purchases? I'm about to perform a magic trick. Let's read the next paragraph!

The only cash back that stays the same is the 1% eligible for all other purchases, irrespective of whether or not they are made at Costco.

Tada! See? It's now only 1%. The other 1% just vanished right before your eyes. Thank you. You've been a wonderful audience. Hope you enjoyed the show! Hahaha!

As a side note, here is a far less obfuscated way to word it, directly from the article this article cites as a source.

Additionally, it will give 2 percent back on Costco purchases and 1 percent back on all other purchases. The Costco American Express paid 1 percent back on all other purchases, whether or not they were at Costco.

I'm glad they didn't quote it directly though. It would have ruined my act! Yes, sir. Better to obfuscate and bewilder rather than quoting something that easy to understand. How else can you justify getting paid the big bucks?

Hold on. Why are you booing me? This was a great trick! What? You wanted me to eliminate the richest one percent? What? You think I'm some sort of miracle worker just because I'm a Bernie Sanders sympathizer? A man's got to know his limitations!! I am but a simple anonymous heckler on the vast internets and interwebs! I cannot bend space and fold time!!

Oh, what a tangled web we weave: When first we practise to deceive! - Sir Walter Scott

We Are Doomed

April 5, 2016
How Do You Know When You’ve Made It Financially?

Millennials are also the most competitive about reaching those milestones, with 45 percent saying that it’s important to them to feel like they’ve “made it” before their friends.

With friends like that, who needs enemies? Seriously.

Hurray! One of my friends just had a heart attack! Thanks to our expensive health care system, that should set him back decades!

Yay! Another friend just died in a horrible car accident! He's totally out of the running now!

Unfortunately, one of my friends is doing quite well. That's why I'm setting him up on a blind date with a very attractive "gifted" astrologer with an expensive gambling addiction and a s%^tload of debt! Welcome to the pain train, friend! Woohoo!!

In all seriousness, very few people will ever truly know that they've "made it" financially, unless we assume that our future American economy can be extrapolated from the distant past American economy. Some, like Jeremy Siegel, seem to think it can. I'm not nearly so confident.

Further, if you have to ask how you know you've made it, then you haven't made it. That's just an opinion, of course.

My Nomination for Ironic Recall of the Year

March 25, 2016
Revised Press Release For: "Reliable Drug" Recall of all Compounded Medications Due to a Potential for Mislabeling and Lack of Quality Assurance

Reliable Drug Pharmacy is voluntarily recalling all unexpired lots of compounded products due to concern of lack of quality assurance and potential mislabeling.

It's early in the year but I think we have a winner! ;)